The middle school years have long been called “the awkward years.” And awkward they were. We’re talking flat-chested, brace-faced, frizzy-haired, unsure-of-myself awkward. Though I looked like a strange girl-woman and acted weird, my life wasn’t all that awkward. I was in school, and I knew I’d be in school for the next 8+ years with people I’d known since kindergarten. I played sports as I always had. I had a small group of girlfriends. I most definitely was not interested in boys (though my friends were boy crazy!). I didn’t contemplate my future much; I knew what the next decade would look like with a high degree of certainty.
The real awkward years are my twenties.
I have some friends who have three children and counting and others who live with their parents. I have some friends who are blazing up the corporate ladder and others who are still getting their degrees. I know some people who have been married and divorced, and others who have never dated. I look around at my peers and think, What the heck are any of us doing?
Up until now, we were all on the same path and trajectory more or less. Post-school is like complete chaos. Every one of us are bursting forward in a different direction. No one I’ve talked to feels totally confident in the path they’re on, but we all push on–because what else can we do?
This period of life is strange and slightly unsettling. No one talks about how weird this stage is. People say their twenties are “the best years of their life!” I’ve been told to “Live them up!” and “Enjoy every moment!” and a bunch of other advice that sounds good but doesn’t really add up to anything concrete.
Making friends is awkward
Making friends in my twenties has been profoundly challenging. With everyone in a different season–some single, some dating, some career-oriented, some still in school, some with a house and kids–it can be hard to find commonalities the way we always did through grade school and college. Past friendships change, and that can be confusing and isolating.
I could make friends with ease from birth through college and now I’m left scratching my head. I don’t know how long this period of time lasts, but it seems like the people I know in their mid-thirties are more connected to other people/couples/families who took a similar trajectory as them. You know what I mean?
Choosing how to spend money is awkward
I don’t think it’s ever all that easy to budget and know exactly how to spend money, but I’ve found it particularly difficult in my twenties. With the messaging to “Live it up while you still can!”, there’s pressure to travel the world and cross every destination off my bucket list. Simultaneously, I feel pressure to save money, buy a home, and settle into it before babies come. I feel the same opposing pull to both buy “fancy” clothes, shoes, and handbags “while I still can” and to save every spare dime I have for the future. What are we supposed to be doing?
Career paths are awkward
Almost everyone I know (who’s my age) has said something along the lines of “I like my job, but I don’t know if I see myself here longterm.” Because we don’t know what our longterm plans are! Because we’re in this weird hybrid stage where we act like adults but don’t totally know “how to adult!”
Many (most) of my friends have jumped out of the career they thought they’d stick with and into something completely different. Many of my friends (and me) are working on building our own businesses and figuring out finances and business plans and taxes and everything else. Many of my friends worked for a couple of years and then went back to school to get a degree in another field. We’re all trying to find our footing, trying to find somewhere we fit, trying to figure out what makes us happy but also helps others…and allows us to pay the bills!
Knowing where to live is awkward
I always knew I’d move out of my hometown, so post-college, I applied to jobs in cities all over the country and ended up in Austin, Texas. During the two years I lived there, I thought I’d found home and would spend the rest of my life with an Austin address. As many of you know, I was wrong. Now that I’ve lived here in Gainesville for over two years, I constantly wonder where we’ll be for the next five years, ten years, 30 years. I love exploring new places and am very open to moving–but where?
Many of my friends who have stayed in their hometowns feel the same way. Do I want to stay here forever? Is there adventure somewhere else? Could I live far from family? Do I want to?
Romantic relationships are awkward
Some people choose to remain single, some people don’t want to be single but are, some people have been dating their significant other for a decade, some people get married, some people end one relationship for another, some people try online dating for the first time, some people try online dating for the last time…we’re all trying to figure out who we want to spend our life with, if anyone. The pressure!
This mixed with trying to make friends, figure out our budgets, and make the “right” career choices? It’s a moment.
Embracing the awkward
I think all the twenties-awkwardness boils down to this: we (people in our twenties) feel the pressure to have the present and the future planned out perfectly. We feel the pressure to have it all figured out. But we don’t have it all figured out–at all. What if we laughed through the awkward and embraced these years instead?
I am certain that folks in other age brackets feel awkward too, and I’m not discrediting that. (In fact, if you’re not in your twenties, I would love to hear what kinds of awkwardness other decades of life bring! You know, in the name of preparation.) I am only acknowledging that my twenties have been quite awkward, and I know I’m not alone.
In my own life, I am making a daily effort to be okay with changing friendships, having a hard time meeting new friends, living in a small little town I don’t love, thinking about growing our family, not knowing the future of my blog/Etsy shop/whatever else, not knowing exactly what we should or shouldn’t spend money on, etc, etc. I like to be in control, so this is not easy for me.
But! Through the awkward, I feel there has been a lot of self growth and maturity. (Twenty-somethings, has this been your experience?) Perhaps that’s what our twenties are for–figuring out that we’ll never have it all figured out and being okay with that. Letting go of control and trusting God to guide us. There’s life to be lived in the awkward.
“In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps.” -Proverbs 16:9
// Did you find/are you finding your twenties to be awkward? How have you navigated this?
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Yes, being in your twenties is awkward! And I like the idea of just embracing it. Everybody’s got their own awkward, so why not just acknowledge it! I hadn’t thought of choosing how to spend your money as awkward, but it kind of is, isn’t it? And definitely making new friends…New friend dates feel more awkward than dating did sometimes! We don’t have to worry about choosing where to live, the military informs us of that. 🙂
Haha! I agree that new friend dates are sometimes more awkward than dating! 🙂 Thanks for reading, Julie. xo
You hit it right on the head with this one. Especially, in terms of budget and figuring out where to live. I’m 27 and just now kind of figuring out what I want my life to look like. It’s insane that we want our 18-21 year olds to make life determining decisions so young.
I completely agree. The pressure put on 18 year olds to make decisions that will impact the rest of their lives is absurd! Thanks for reading, Eve!
I never thought of my 20’s as hard. I seemed to be doing all the same things as my friends…going to college, dating, starting a career, getting married, new married life, etc. I would say my 30’s was a period of growth in how to be a parent, juggle work and home life, be an attentive wife and so forth. Now that I’m in my mid-40’s I find the real struggle has begun. I have my own minor health issues, aging body parts, aging parents and a busy teenager. Life is good but it is definitely the most struggle-some that I have experienced thus far. I rely on prayer and faith to get me through but a lot of days it just seems like the days pass into nights and then back into days and then into weekends and then you start over again. I have to say that while I cherish every day I do look forward to the day in my 50’s when I retire and live a life of freedom again. All this to say…every life has stages…some are good and some are bad. Embrace the season you are in and lean on Riley when times get hard. Every decade is different, more challenging and more fun. Treat today as a gift!
Thanks for sharing your experience! It’s interesting to hear your perspective. XO
This is my LIFE. I love, love, love this, Blair! So many of my thoughts put into well-articulated explanations! Totally sharing! <3
Hah! Mine too, sister! Thanks for reading, Grady!
I absolutely love this. I can remember being in my 20s and feeling the same way. Now that I am 33, I will tell you that I have more confidence in who I am in my 30s than I did in my 20s. A LOT changes in your mind and spirit between mid-late 20s and early 30s. I don’t know if it’s chemical changes in the brain or what, but I see things so much differently now than I did then, and I care less about certain things that were once important to me. All of my 30-something friends have told me the same thing in our convos over the last few years. In all honesty, there are many days where I look at myself and think “Wow. You’re in your 30s and still don’t know what you are doing with your life. You don’t live in the house you thought you would. You don’t have the number of kids you planned on. Heck, you don’t have the job you went to college for!” But you know what? That’s okay! Never let an older generation make you feel like you need to have it figured out. Life is awkward in every stage and is always changing, but it truly gets better the older you get and I am so grateful for that.
Thank you for sharing, Jessi! I have heard from a lot of my friends in their 30s (and Riley, who is almost 32) that there is a sense of grounding and self-assurance in their 30s that wasn’t as present in their 20s–it sounds like that’s been your experience too. So interesting. I love your perspective! xo
23 here and never felt more awkward in my life! I started my first “real” job about a month ago in my college town…not a huge city, but bigger than your average town. I get asked at least once a week why I decided to stay here and while i have a nice answer rehearsed, I honestly have no idea. Do i love where I am right now? YES, could not be happier, but do i want to be here long term? No earthly idea. I feel like you just wrote this blog post describing my life right now. I decided to just put my trust in the Lord and hang on for the ride.
Trust the Lord and hang on for the ride–you said it, sister! Much love and support to you, Leah. Thanks for reading and commenting!
You nailed it! I hated my 20’s, I was way more unsure of my path and insecure and uncertain. I LOVE my 30’s. The awkwardness definitely smooths out (at least it did for me) and you feel more grounded and certain of the path you choose. You have more experience making life choices, so new ones aren’t as overwhelming. I also let go of “this is the way my life will unfold” and utter disappointment when it didn’t go exactly as I thought. And suddenly more financial security kicks into place after a decade plus of working and feeling hand to mouth, especially if your spouse is working too. In my opinion, friendships become more relaxed, you don’t seem to need your girlfriends in quite the same way anymore. Plus learn how to have different yet amazing types of friendships in different age brackets and life stages. I learned how to not cling too tightly to or feel bad about friendships that had run their course. I also like how the patronizing “you are so young, what do you know” goes away in your 30’s. You are still young, but more seasoned and secure in yourself. At least, that’s how it’s working for me 🙂
Loved hearing your experience, Rebekah! Thanks for sharing! xo
Love this!! It’s so difficult to realize that the season of life you thought would surely bring you to the top of the food chain has just been full of weird pressures and so much awkward. There’s a learning curve for sure. Thanks for sharing your perspective!
Definitely. Thanks for reading and commenting! xoxo
My 20’s were awkward but I didnt know it, you see yourself as an adult but your not really. I turned 30 and it dawned on me I’m an adult WOW! Now at 43, 44 in a couple weeks I feel more grounded not in such a rush but that doesn’t mean I have it all figured out. I went back to school at 40 and have loved it. I am discovering myself again I have spent my entire adult life raising my kids and I have sacrificed my entire self for them. I dont regret this at all it was the path I chose and felt lead to go down and now I am rediscovering myself going to college and for the first couple of years I went with my kids and we had fun we even took a couple classes together. But I don’t have it all figured out I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up and yes I feel at almost 44 I am still growing up. Everyday is a learning experience you’ll never have it all figured out and shouldn’t we are learning till the day we die. Making friends is still hard and I’ve stopped trying its to much drama. Woman younger than me look at me as old, woman older look at me as to young, and woman my age are still raising kids and since my kids are grown Im not friendship material so I have stopped trying. I feel we as woman should be and can be friends with woman of all ages all throughout our lives but that is not what society is teaching. By putting people in catagories 20’s, 30’s, children, not children, married, etc we are limiting our learning and growing potential. Heavenly Father put us all here together to teach and to grow and learn together and no matter what age we are constantly learning. Some of my greatest friends have been older woman and younger woman not woman my age, and we have balanced each other out to make this walk through life easier and less complicated. Every year that is added to my age I feel more grounded with who I am, the less I feel trapped by the world’s standards and thinking I have to follow everything, and I feel more free to just be me and to be happt where I am at at that moment and not worry about where I’ll be in a year or more.
Thank you so much for reading and sharing your own experience and perspective, Erika! xoxo
Blair, you’ve nailed it again! I feel all of this on the daily and it’s consuming. It’s easy to feel like having my loans paid off, a clear career path, etc. would make me feel more settled, but I know another worry would fill those places. Instead, I consciously try to turn my attention to the fact that my God is on the throne, with the victory already won and no amount of wandering, in my 20s, 30s, or 80s is going to shake that. We’re free to move forward with confidence. Here’s to that. 🙂
“We’re free to move forward with confidence.” AMEN, sister. xoxo Thanks for reading!
I definitely don’t have it all figured out – and I’m a few years shy of 35 ;). I used to really feel the weight of societal expectations, but now I tread my own path at my own pace, regardless of what others/society might expect of me! I spent my 20s throwing myself into study, work and travel and investing in all three in equal measure. I wanted to achieve this version of success that would make others proud (degree first, work silly hours because I wanted my boss to be happy) and I didn’t think about what would make me happy. I can honestly say that I’ve only recently started figuring out who I am and what really makes me tick… my priorities have changed (work ambitions – not travel..).. my interests have changed, my values particularly..I am more settled into who I am generally and I still have dreams and goals, but I have more patience now with them (and am perhaps a little more realistic) than when I was in my 20s. We are growing and learning – all the time. Life is your own journey 🙂 I like the saying “live as a pilot, not a passenger..”.. keep focusing on the things that are most important to you and Riley in this moment and taking those steps. You’re both pilots! 😉 And just make the best of this time in your life in any way that you can.. I try to see positives in everything now!
I loved hearing about your journey! Thanks for sharing, Lou! xo
This has definitely been my experience. Getting married in my young twenties isolated me from my single friends in a way and I wasn’t a mom so I didn’t fit in with that crowd either. My friendships and other relationships have changed so much. I never know what career and life path I’m supposed to be on. All of it!
I find finances are the most awkward. I mean, budgeting sucks, but that’s always true. It’s just hard to know what to value. Do I save for a future house? Do I make extra student loan payments? Do I stock up on high quality things I’ll need in the future like winter coats and good furniture? Do I live like a total minimalist and spend every penny on trips and travel while I have the freedom? Should I start budgeting to have money to donate to worthy causes? How much should I work? How much do I need? Will I EVER feel secure?
Everybody does it totally differently and nobody seems to have it all together, in my opinion. It’s definitely the time in life when I find myself distinguishing my own ideas against those of people around me. Nobody else is really on my life path anymore (I had so many peers before!) so I’m really figuring out, for the first time, who I am and who I want to be.
YES. This married-without-kids stage has been particularly isolating and difficult. It’s hard to relate to the single women I’ve met on some level since marriage is such a massive part of my life, and it’s hard to relate to the moms I’ve met on some level for the same reason.
I agree with your last sentence completely–we have to walk our own journeys with confidence and learn who we are along the way. Thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts, Laura! xo
I definitely felt this way in my early twenties! It was very strange to have some friends who weren’t even dating, and yet others who were already popping out babies. I was twenty when we got married, so I think that has a lot to do with it-that’s a very transitional time! I really started feeling rooted and established in my life when we were married 5 years. Once you feel settled into your own life, I think at that point you can start attracting relationships with others who are like minded.
I agree that feeling more settled helps attract like-minded relationships. (Maybe that’s been part of my problem living here?) Thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts, Kristen! xoxo
Yes, my twenties were definitely chaotic. It seems like there are so many mixed messages that are sent to young people these days of what they should be doing and how they should be doing it. I think coming out of college right around the economic slump definitely also has affected me and others in their early 30s/twenties. I’m 31 now and although things are a little more settled, I definitely feel like I’m still figuring it out most days.
Chaotic for sure! Sometimes good chaos, sometimes not so much. Thanks for reading and sharing your perspective, Sara! xo
Thank you so much for this Blair! I’m 21 and was having a particularly hard day with emotions, stress, etc. However, your article came to mind and I felt so understood reading it! I love your blog, Instagram, and YouTube channel!
Hi Blair! I just recently stubbled upon your YouTube channel while looking for some Disney videos and have spent the last few weeks watching your videos, I absolutely love them!
I just found this post today and wow it really hit home for me. I am 22, a recent college grad and about to start working. I am in this difficult stage of being ready to start work while also longing to go back to school where everything was so structured and planned out for me. My friends are all over the country now and some are already on different stages of their lives, some are married, engaged, or have moved in with their boyfriends. Its hard for me to not compare myself to them, I find myself having to constantly stop and remind myself that I am exactly where I am suppose to be in my life and that everything happens for a reason. We each have our own journey!
I am so glad that I am not the only one who feels this way. This post was so inspirational and something I really needed to read at this time in my life.
Thank you for brightening my day!
P.S. I am placing an order on your Etsy shop soon for my upcoming Disneyland trip in October! So excited!