This past Tuesday began like every other Tuesday for the past six months, except for a few extra steps in my morning routine thanks to my new ball of fur, Charley. I woke up, took Charley out, put on an outfit and makeup, straightened up the apartment, and checked my email before I headed out the door for work. I was feeling unusually introspective and quiet that morning. Whereas I always watch the news as I get ready and listen to the radio on the way to work, I chose complete silence instead.
Upon arrival at work, I chatted with my co-workers, opened up my company email, and started my day. As a proud member of the Party Planning Committee, I ironed out the last few details for the holiday party, potluck, and gift exchange that was to be held Wednesday. I received a meeting invite for a quick 30-minute marketing team get-together at 11am. Thinking nothing of it, I worked until 11am, and then made my way into my boss’s office with my laptop, notebook, and pen in hand, joining the three other marketing team members and my boss.
While we typically make small talk for five or ten minutes prior to “getting down to business,” today was different. I easily pick up on others’ energy, and my boss, who is warm and friendly, was strangely quiet and serious. She begins with, “This is not going to be an easy conversation…” My mind immediately jumps. It’s said that we can only see things through the filter of our reality and past experiences, and this was definitely true on Tuesday. Not having been in the working world for even a year, I assume we’re getting “in trouble” as a team. Perhaps we sent out the wrong email. Maybe we didn’t meet our Q3 goals, or we’re far from meeting those for Q4.
“After today, the marketing team, including me, will be moving on,” my boss explains. “The company is being restructured, and there’s just not the need for a marketing function,” she goes on. Starting to cry, she quietly whispers, “I am so sorry. I did everything I could to prevent this.”
Complete silence falls over the already-hushed room. If one of my eyelashes had fallen out, I would’ve heard it hit the plush carpet under my chair. I finally understand what she’s saying–that we’re all being laid off. Her tears trigger my own. The woman on my right, a kind, highly intelligent woman, rests her forehead on the thumb and pointer of her left hand, which is resting desperately on the armed chair she sits in. The man to my left stares blankly out the window. Only the fun-loving, light-hearted woman two seats to my right speaks. “When did you find out?” she asks our boss.
“I had no idea until 9:30pm last night. There was no writing on the walls, or I would have given each of you a fair warning,” she says earnestly as she looks at her desk. “This has been the most fun I’ve had in my 20 years working in marketing. You all have been amazing to work with, and I have no doubt that you will find employment very quickly. Let’s use our networks and hold each other up during this difficult time.”
Another long moment of pregnant silence, and our meeting is over. “I’m going to meet with all of you one-on-one today. I’ll start with Blair.” My three co-workers leave the room. My boss immediately gets up from her desk and throws her arms around me. “I’m so sorry, Blair, I’m so sorry. But I promise it will be okay. You have so much to offer, you are smart, passionate, and a joy to work with. You’ll find something even better, I promise.”
I allow the hot tears that had been welling up in my eyes for the past few minutes to fall, unashamed. I grab a tissue out of a box on her desk, and mumble, “I…I…I’m just shocked.” She empathizes, truly she does–I mean, she’s in the same predicament as well. I look up at her, and ask “Who will be left?” Tears stream down her face as well. “Almost no one. Upwards of 80 percent are being laid off as well.” A few more words are exchanged, and I gather my belongings. “I have to go home, I…I just can’t be here right now.” She looks at me, replies kindly, “Do whatever you need to do. Unfortunately, though, you’ll need to clear out your cube by the close of business today.” I agree, walk to my cubicle, grab a few items, and hurry to my car.
The sobs start. I take a deep breath and call my mom. She’s in a meeting and doesn’t answer. I try my dad next. He answers the phone, and I suppress my emotions enough to explain what had happened. He responds, gently, appropriately. Empathizes, but reminds me that it’ll be okay…that there’s something better in store for me…that life will most certainly go on. That he and my mom will support me until I’m back on my feet. We talk until I’m just a few minutes from my apartment, hang up, and the tears continue. I text my mom and best friend, and call my boyfriend. Everyone reacts with the same air of support, love, and peace. I start to feel the dark cloud lift as more and more people remind me of what I already know is true–that God has not abandoned me, and that He will provide.That the Lord has a much better plan than I have for myself. I feel a tiny flame of hope ignited deep in my soul. It is but a spark, but I feel it anyway.
After a few hours, I return to my office building to clear out my cube. At the last minute before I leave, I decide to bring Charley with me for emotional support. “What are they going to do, fire me?” I think, darkly. Plus, with the massive quantity of people being laid off, I figure everyone could use some animal therapy. He lays comfortingly in my desk chair as I pack up notebooks, papers, photos, and a few other items. Each person who walks by my cube plays with him and cuddles him. I leave, heavily, but glad that I brought sweet Charley–he made the process tolerable, and helped lift the overall spirit of the office.
Post cube-cleanout, Erin, a member of my Austin pseudo-family (who are really long time family friends), calls me and asks me if I’d like to come to dinner or if I’d rather be alone. I thank her and agree to dinner–it just sounds better than sitting alone in my apartment. I arrive, and am greeted by Erin’s parents and her two adorable daughters. I laugh for the first time all day at Kyan, Erin’s crazy two-year-old, who is singing “eenie-meenie-miney-mo” at the top of her lungs. It’s refreshing to smile and the dark cloud of sadness lifts a bit more as the tiny flame in my soul thickens.
I drive home, and am greeted happily by my black fur baby, who just knows. He lays on the couch beside me, and sweetly puts his paw on my leg as if to say “It’s going to be okay.” We watch TV together, and I decide to post a Facebook status chronicling the day’s events–because I don’t ever want my friends on Facebook (or my blog readers) to think that my life is perfect or that I have it all together, and also because I need prayers and support. I am deeply humbled to see the unexpected and overwhelming response of encouragement and prayer from my social community. Friends who I haven’t spoken with in years message me, share verses with me, and generally reassure me of my God and my future. Darkness lifts even more, flame increases all the more.
Suddenly, I feel incredibly nauseous and vomit for the first time in probably 10 or 12 years. I feel much, much better (too much information? Sorry–but you asked for it by reading this much already!). After taking Charley to my apartment’s dog park (which we both love), I washed up and brushed my teeth, climbing in bed with him snuggled next to me. Falling asleep that night, I am full of conflicting emotions. Anxiety and peace. Nervousness and self-assurance. Desperation and hope. Sadness and gratitude.
And so, now that you’ve read 1,409 words about one shocking day in my life, I feel compelled to say thank you for your support and kindness. Here’s what I’m clinging to at present:
- I am not the first nor the last to be laid off…many people make it through this, and I can too.
- I am surrounded by wonderful family and friends, and I am allowed to rely heavily on them for support during this time.
- I may have had a plan for my future, but it wasn’t meant to be. What is meant to be will be better. “Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.” -Proverbs 19:21
- God knew that I would walk through this difficulty, so He put a puppy in my life for comfort and purpose.
- I have not one single reason to be ungrateful…there are always a million reasons to praise the One who gave me life, wrote my plan, and walks with me through it all.
All that said, I would deeply appreciate prayers for positivity and peace and meaningful employment.
Oh Blair. I don’t even know what to say. This is just the neatest post, because it’s such a reminder to praise God no matter what comes our way! Thanks for living that out so that others (like me) can be reminded that God has things under control. I needed to read this today!
I just know that God has something even better in store for you! Have you ever seen The Sound of Music? There’s a quote from that movie that I just remembered: “When the Lord closes a door, somewhere He opens a window.”
Praying for you! <3
Jeremiah 29:11
Thank you so much, Kara! I appreciate your support and thoughtfulness. I am relying greatly on the Lord right now–I know He will uphold me!
xo,
b
Blair! I’m so sorry to hear about your job loss, but am so glad you can keep such a balanced perspective. You are completely right- being laid off is nowhere near the end of the world, especially since you have family who are able to financially and morally support you.
And now you have more time to bond with Charley! 🙂
So true! He’s a cutie!
xo,
b
Blair- Rachel Southmayd (my soon to be cousin in law) recommended I follow your blog after starting my own. I read through your post today and was struck with how similar our situations are.
I started a job I loved two days after I graduated in 2012. One month ago that company went under. I saw the financial situation the company was in and was thinking about starting to look for another position when I was called by a contact of mine and informed about an opening with another company, I took that job. I wasn’t there when it went under but before I left- my entire department with the exception of me was let go. I was then fed to the wolves and asked to do the work of 5 people all on my own.
Trust me when I say that this is for the best. The job you love would have turned into something you loathed. It is better that this happen now when you are young and have amazing parents who are willing to step in and support you. Some people aren’t that lucky.
Take some time to breathe, count your blessings and let everything happen as it should. Good luck with everything 🙂
Thanks for sharing your story, Megan! I am so hopeful!
xo,
b
I will be praying for you!
Thanks Rachel!
xo,
b
Such a sucker punch to be laid off during the holidays too. :/ But as someone who’s been laid off 3 times myself, you will be okay!! And maybe even better than before! After each of my layoffs, I found an even better job. I wish the same for you!!
Thank you, Julie! I certainly hope I’m able to find an even better job–I have faith!
xo,
b
Oh I’m so sorry Blair 🙁 You seem like such a bright, put together, creative woman! I think you will have no problem finding something out there! Keep your head up girl and keep that little flame burnin!
Thanks, Beckie!! I appreciate your support!
xo,
b
I’m so sorry 🙁 I will be praying for you too!
Thanks, Lily! I appreciate it!
xo,
b
This post was really inspiring. I’m so proud to have you as a friend and a sister. You are so so talented and I know that you’ll always have the best advice from your empathy. I can’t wait to see what wonderful events happen next in your life 🙂 I’ll always be here to read!
Thanks for being such a great BB supporter! You’re so right about developing empathy and compassion after walking through trials. Love you girl!
xo,
b
Thanks for sharing Blair. Everything will work out for your good! 🙂
Amen! Thanks for reading, Tracey!
xo,
b
Blair I am so sorry. I will be praying for you! God has something better in store.
Thanks, Bailey!!
xo,
b
I came across this blog somehow via Pinterest, and absolutely love your style of writing and where you are at in life. It’s like reading my own words somehow which can sound bizarre! I can’t imagine the feeling of being laid off. I know how you feel when God’s plans overtake yours and suddenly you feel exhausted, full of sorrow and confused. But what is INCREDIBLE about you is that you keep Heavenly Father and Christ in your life daily and keep that perspective, even when going through hard times. Thank you for inspiring me to continue in my own trials, girly! You are going to be VERY blessed soon! 😀
Hey McCall! (AWESOME name, by the way!)
Thanks for your comment and support. I was hired on December 20th, just 10 days after I was laid off, by another company. God really is amazing and nothing can stop His plans from being rolled out!!
Xo,
B
The exact same thing happened to me, and about in the same time frame. Sometimes you know it’s coming, other times just seems to come out of nowhere. I assume you’re in tech, right? You just never know with some of these firms. The beauty of this industry is that it’s usually pretty easy to find a job somewhere else. What I do nowadays is do a little preliminary research on companies I interview with, such as Glassdoor to other tech forums. Give me a better idea of the company’s outlook and work culture.
I was in tech, now I’m in full-time ministry! Hope your experience turns out to be as positive as mine has been. Glassdoor was definitely helpful!
xo,
b
Hi Blair! Just recently found your blog. Love that you chronicled the feelings and emotions of getting laid off. I, too, have been laid off 6 mos after getting my first job out of school. Thanks for sharing your life and specifically this story! You’re totally right. We have to trust in His plan. I did and I now have the BEST job that I could have ever asked for with some amazing co-workers and an excellent boss. So grateful for everything that happened because I wouldn’t have ended up in the same place.
I’m so glad that it turned out so well for you, too! Sometimes “blessings come in rain drops,” as Laura Story’s song, “Blessings” says!! 🙂
xo,
b
I am glad that I found and read about your story. I too was laid off 5 months into my first job after college, and 6 months passed I am still struggling to find another job. I did not tear on the day of my layoff, but I felt like the world had collapsed on me. Just about 2 months before my layoff, my then-girlfriend decided to leave me and this broke my heart. I loved her very much, but she still believed that I and my family are not worthy of her. I was very sad and dedicated all my time into my work and study. 2 months later, I was called in the office by the COO and told me that his department did not get enough budget so they had to let me go. I could not understand why such tragedies have to happen to me at the same time. For a whole month after that, I kept asking God why me, why?
Job, love, and my own place, these are the things that I wanted the most during my 7-years struggle into a brand new chapter of my life. My life has never been easy and with little of joy and happiness. it was even worse in the first 2 years after coming to America. For a period of time in the second year, I wish I could have just drop dead on the street, or never had to wake up again after falling asleep. However, I decided to change, or to kill myself.
I struggled a lot to get into and graduate form College, and it was a total of 7 years effort. In those 7 years, from someone who could not speak a complete sentence in this language to today’s fluency, from a middle school dropout from a poor countryside in China to today’s college graduate in one of the most prestige college in the U.S., from someone who could not even solve a simple math problem that involve with very simple addiction with fraction(1/2 + 1/3) to someone who just graduated with a Degree in Mathematics, ain’t I already struggle and suffer enough? I am not asking for a lot, and in those years all I ever wanted was to have a career one day so I don’t have to work on construction sides or factories anymore, to have someone to fall in love with and start a family, and to move out my parent’s place and have my own life.
Life is a long and uneasy journey. We mostly have no control over what life will throw at us, but we can surely choose how to react and what to do with it. I have moved on, and I understand that my life is in the control of my own hand. What it is gonna be tomorrow is totally up to what I am doing today. For tomorrow’s happiness and success come from today’s hard works. Any foolish people can give up, but it takes a man to face the challenges and move forward. I am a man, and I will be that man.