I already shared what you can expect from me in 2017 content-wise, but today I’m recaping 2016 and sharing what’s to come in a more personal sense. I was nervous to write this post, and the more I thought about it, the more I decided that filming was the best way to accurately convey my feelings and experience.
So, today I’m kicking off a new YouTube series centered around my focus word for 2017. The past year has been very challenging, and I’ve often contemplated whether or not I want to share more specifically why it’s been tough. As difficult as it is to be vulnerable, I know that sharing experiences can help eradicate that “I’m alone in this” feeling. If you hear my story and can relate–you’re not alone, sister! I’m right there with you!
You can watch the video below or on YouTube here. Don’t forget to subscribe to be the first to get notified when I publish new videos!
I would truly love to hear what your 2016 was like, good or bad, and what you’re looking forward to in 2017. If you’ve chosen a focus word, please share! Thank you for your support and kindness, always.
// How was your 2016? What are you most excited about this year? Do you have a focus word?
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Did we move to the same town?! Haha, just kidding! That sounds just like the small town we moved to for my husband’s grad school and so much of your story resonated with me. Finding community and a church home has been truly difficult. 2016 held some fun memories for me, but overall, it just plain sucked. I’m moving into 2017 with an open heart and low expectations. I found that I place extremely high expectations on myself and others and often end up disappointed when life doesn’t go the way I have dreamed it up in my head.
So, after also going through Lara’s Powersheets, I decided that my focus word for 2017 will be JOY, something that has been sorely lacking in my life over the past 1.5 years. I want to celebrate the small victories and cultivate gratitude in my daily life. One of the ways I’m doing this is my keeping a gratitude journal in which I am writing down 3 things I’m grateful for each day. I attended Lara’s conference, Making Things Happen, this fall and it made me truly think about how I want to spend my life and time. This year I am looking for JOY!
I look forward to following along on this series with you and see how you become rooted in your faith and in your town! In every season, God is ever-faithful and so so good. You are not alone and I am cheering you on! 🙂
I completely resonate with “an open heart and low expectations.” I have said the same thing several times to Riley lately, usually followed by “I’m just going to let God surprise me!” Love your focus of JOY! That’s amazing. Thanks for your support! I’m cheering you on too, sister! 🙂
Blair – thank you for this. Your posts about missing Austin and your close friends have been almost exact reflections of how I’ve felt since moving from DC to tiny Gainesville, FL last July. Beyond the isolation of trying to break into a small town’s social circles, it can feel like you’re the only person without friends. Your posts have helped me know that I’m not the only one struggling with this, and that has been a gift.
I don’t have a focus word this year, but have committed to two things. First, to stop my daily habit of pointing out everything I dislike about Gainesville. I’m *trying* to shut my mouth every time I think of a negative comment, knowing how my words are framing my mindset. Second, to KEEP trying new things. I thought that between my job, my boyfriend’s friends, and joining a kickball team, I was sure to find at least one person who I’d meaningfully connect with. I struck out across the board, so I’m making a list of new things to try, and committing to making them happen.
Thank you, again, for honestly sharing your journey 🙂
Hey Olivia! Thanks so much for watching and following along. Funny enough, I live in Gainesville, Texas. Must be something about the name! 😉 I love your two commitments for 2017. I have worked hard to tame my tongue, especially with regards to my negative commentary. It’s so hard, isn’t it? I fail all the time. And I totally know what you mean about continuing to try new things even when it’s frustrating or tempting to give up. Here’s hoping we both find community (or at least one meaningful friendship) in our Gainesvilles this year! XO
Blair,
I have had a rough 2016 as well, and although it’s been due to different struggles, please know that you are not alone in having a tough transition.
I’m so grateful to know you and to see you sharing your heart this way – I so look forward to seeing you become more rooted in your faith and your world this year <3
My word for the year (after MUCH deliberation, let me tell you!) is CONTENTMENT. I chose it after reviewing my Powersheets notes and noticing how many times I used that word! haha
So happy to know you, my friend!
-Grads
I’m sorry to hear that you’ve struggled this year too. 2016 seems to have been a hard year for a lot of people, doesn’t it? Contentment is such a beautiful, hard word. Hugs to you, friend.
I loved this!! Change (even the good kind!) is hard and building roots in a new place is even harder. While I didn’t move, my 2016 brought a whole lot of changes ; relationships, the first full year of my immediate family living in TX, starting grad school… and I kind of had to “re-root” myself so to speak in Atlanta now that I was by myself. While it isn’t the exact same, I definitely get what you’re feeling!
My mom and I chose 4 words and scriptures for 2016 and I just picked my new words for 2017 to use as my guiding principles for this year! I’m going to try to be bold (in my faith, friendships and just doing fun things!), peaceful (about my future, school, everything), expectant (always looking for God’s hand in everything), and light filled (bringing joy to others and helping people grow).
Hang in there lady!! The best is yet to come. Sending lots of prayers your way!
I can imagine that it was a strange year re-rooting yourself in Atlanta with your family in Texas. I love your 4 words. How powerful! Thank you so much for sharing, Madilene! And for following along! 🙂
Big hugs to you! I feel the exact same way and I am on year five of living in my town. I moved from Texas to Washington. I also try to focus on the good, but some days are harder than others. Just know there are many of us out there with you, hoping for the same things! Sending good thoughts your way!
Thanks, Chelsey! (I love the way you spell your name, by the way!) I would never wish this experience on anyone, but there’s a strange sense of community to know that others are going through the same thing…thanks for your comment!
Blair,
As others have already said, thank you for sharing this journey. You’ve mentioned the difficulties of finding friends before, but hearing your details allowed me to realize that we are going through something very similar! I also am having trouble finding friends- everyone either has kids or is 2x (or more) my age. Or another common thing is that they are living the single life which is not something I’m interested in participating in since I am happily married (thankfully!). I have been praying for a friend and continuing to do activities where I may meet a friend. I’m also trying to step up my efforts to stay in contact with friends I already do have. I’m lucky to have wonderful friends, even though they may not be local or on a schedule where we get much face to face time. It’s funny how badly I want a friend, yet struggle to find time to return text messages from dear friends while I’m doing things at home.
I also am trying to tell myself that maybe the reason I’m going through this (or any other struggle I go through) is so that I can eventually give my future children the benefits of my experiences. Or that God is actually gifting me this time to work on other projects before the busyness of motherhood.
Looking forward to hearing more of your journey and praying that you find a friend too!
I never realized that the time period between school and mommyhood was such a tough time to make friends, but it seems like that’s been the reality for so many! I agree that rough experiences often benefit others in the future–looking at hardship in that way is encouraging! Thanks for watching and commenting, Jennifer!
I really appreciated this video and you sharing your struggles. I definitely know how it feels to feel like you don’t have any friends. My husband has a great group of friends that he has known since high school and I feel like I am still struggling sometimes to find a real community. This definitely made me feel less alone.
For 2017 I am going to focus on self-confidence. I have realized lately that my lack of self-confidence is making almost everything in my life harder so I am excited to work on this.
Thanks again for sharing!
Sounds like we’ve had a very similar experience–we’re all in this together! 😉 Self-confidence is a great focus for 2017! 🙂 You are a beautiful, strong, capable, smart woman and you can achieve, create, and conquer hard things. You go girl!!!
Hey Blair,
Long time reader, don’t think I’ve ever commented. I am in a weirdly similar situation – moved to a brand new town exactly 18 months ago for my boyfriend. I too, have yet to make any close girl friends. And I work from home too! Glad I’m not alone!
However, I have found a good place for meeting people – exercise groups. In the last place I was in, I made friends through a free weekly bootcamp, and now I go to a few running groups. For some reason, endorphins seems to help making friends! Just thought I’d offer that suggestion. Might be a bootcamp or couch to 5k program in the area? I really enjoy it because it gets me out of the house, makes me exercise, and offers some socializing..
Anyway, just wanted to let you know you’re not alone and offer the best remedy I have found so far. I’m working on turning those acquaintances into friendships..
Thanks for the post!
Tracy
Hey Tracy! Thanks for following along, and I’m glad to finally get the chance to “meet” you! 🙂 Exercise groups are a good idea–I’ll have to look around town and see if there are any that I could join! Plus, I could stand to work out a little more. Thanks for watching and commenting!
I can really relate to your journey with moving as an introvert. We moved to Atlanta after the two job markets we applied (near people who knew) were rejected. We knew absolutely NO ONE here and everyone my age also had children or were already settled in their friendships. It took me about 3-4 years. I’m still not attached to it in the way I thought I would be, but I love our home and what we have here now.
I love the last sentence of your comment–that’s exactly what I’m after. It doesn’t have to be what I expected, but I would love to love it! 🙂 Thank you so much for watching and commenting, Autumn!
Blair,
I can totally relate on this! Except our situation is that, we moved to big Nashville and our church is huge, so big that it’s almost intimidating. We were used to our small college town where everyone knows everyone, and we just really miss that, and those strong relationships we had with everyone. We’re slowly starting to fit in, but it’s still not the same. Our timeline is about the same as y’all’s, seeing as we got married in the same month in 2015 😉 so it’s an on going struggle, but we really want to connect with people at our church this year and build those relationships even more. Praying for you this year!
Y’all could always move to Nashville and be our neighbors 😉
It really boils down to relationships, doesn’t it? Big cities or small towns–we all want friends! Thanks for sharing your story! And I could definitely stand to live in Nashville…what a fun city! 🙂
Thanks for sharing Blair! I can relate to a lot of these feelings and couldn’t believe when you said your word of the year, because I also chose “Rooted” for my word! I love the city I live in, but we definitely do not have the friendships and community I would like after having lived here for over a year. Hoping to develop that more this year, as well as purchase a home, not travel as much, and other things that really made me connect to being “rooted”. Love love love your blog!
No way! I love that we both chose rooted, that’s so cool! Thanks so much for following along and sharing, Stephanie! I hope we both find places where we bELONg, hehe! 😉 #HadTo #ElonForever
I applaud your honesty & willingness to be vulnerable. I’ve been in similar situations in the past, but I’ve been lucky enough that when I’ve fulfilled my contract or whatever is keeping me there, I’ve just moved on. Literally. Generally I’ve been able to find at least one person that becomes a good friend, sometimes for the long-term and sometimes just while I’m in that place. But it is so so challenging to find “your tribe,” whatever that means to you, for however long you’re there. One suggestion – feel free to disregard from an internet stranger! – is there a community college nearby, or a community center where you could take a class in something fun? Sometimes that’s a fun way to meet people, especially through a common interest. However it plays out, I wish you all the best in finding your community!
Hey Anna! Thank you for watching and commenting, I really appreciate it! There actually is a community college nearby, and I’ve toyed around with taking classes, but haven’t really looked seriously. That’s a great suggestion–I should look into it! 🙂 Thanks!
Wow, thank you so much for making this video, Blair! It’s so not easy to be vulnerable and open, but it opens walls and breaks lots of barriers. Friends are great but they are hard to make sometimes! I just want you to know how much we (take a look at the other comments) love your stuff!! You have a gift from God to write and have blessed me many times and I’m sure others as well. I can’t wait to read more of your things for 2017. Sending prayers for peace and joy to you!
🙂 Keep being rooted in our God, the only one who can satisfy us and who has a brilliant plan for our lives. You got this, Blair!!
Thank you so much for your encouragement and kindness, Sydney. I truly appreciate it! And AMEN! God is good at being God, regardless of how I feel. Thanks again! 🙂
I completely understand. I live in a large city (for quite sometime and now work from home) where everyone is very close to their families which makes it very difficult to make friends. This became very apparent in 2016 I was in the hospital, the gals I thought were my friends turned out not to be so much. But I did realized that there were some amazing people who where there for me. So for 2017 my goal is to work my growing and nurturing my personal community. I have a wonderful group friends from my childhood that are here for me. But I do need and want to expand my community here. So here’s to an awesome 2017!!!
Thank you for sharing!!!
Hi Cameron! I’m sorry to hear that you didn’t receive the support you needed or thought you had when you were in the hospital. That must’ve been really hard and disappointing. I’m glad that you were able to see who your people were through that experience though! And YES. Here’s to an awesome 2017! Thanks for watching and commenting!
Listening to your story and reading these other comments is so helpful in knowing I am not alone in this struggle. After getting married this summer, my husband and I moved to his hometown where I knew no one- and the only family within 30 minutes are his parents. I have gotten relatively close with his mom but that’s not the only community or the type of friendships a girl needs. We are also not in the young 20s and single crowd nor are we in the families with kids crowd, yet. It is a really rough middle ground! And the loneliness definitely steals joy away from your heart. I really related so much to your struggles with the Lord- leaning in at times but also withdrawing. I can TOTALLY relate to that back and forth and I am trying so hard to lean in instead of withdrawing.
Thank you for your vulnerability and please keep sharing- the Lord is working through you.
I was blown away by the number of “me too!” comments, too. It’s so nice to know that we’re not alone in what we’re experiencing! I appreciate you sharing your story and pray that both of us lean into the Lord this year. I will definitely keep sharing! Thanks for following along and for your thoughtful comment!
Girl. I. feel. you.
I just moved to a city post-grad, and I’m attempting to “branch out” as I grow and make new friends.
I spent my summer at an internship in my small hometown, with all my friends from high school elsewhere. Even going to my church, where I know everyone, was lonely. I was the youngest member by years (and the two closest to my age were the youth pastor and his wife, parents to two kiddos). It was lonely, especially in a place where I had hoped to feel known. I empathize with you.
I’m excited for you this year! Small towns can be great. But they are definitely an acquired taste. One thing to make it seem friendlier can even be using only a few cashiers at the grocery store or Walmart. Make small talk for a while. And then you can start to know about their family, even just talking about small things like how their kid played on Friday night. It’s a small thing with only a few people, but it makes it better!
Also, I was super excited to hear you mention getting involved. Joining a volunteer organization can be a great way to meet people in small towns! I think small towns sometimes make a bigger deal out of every fundraiser, but that’s maybe my bias. 😉
Still, it’s hard. It’s lonely. I’m praying for you. And I’m like the hair color!
Hey Emily! Thanks for watching and commenting. I totally agree that “small towns can be great, but they are definitely an acquired taste.” That’s a great way to put it! I chat with my two favorite grocery cashiers every time I’m shopping, so I know what you mean on that front! Thanks for the support! XO
Hey Blair! Thanks so much for sharing your story so honestly. I am struggling with a very similar story and it always helps to hear that others are working through the same issues.
One thing that I’ve found some success with is joining Toastmasters, which is something I like to describe as “a public speaking club for adults.” It sounds odd, but it’s a fun club even if you don’t love public speaking – it’s a great community of people all who are working towards a common goal and it really feels like a safe space. Even if you don’t find girlfriends there (which is something I’m still working on), it does feel like a community, and it is nice to have something low-pressure to go to where you see the same people every few weeks.
Hey Rachel! Thanks for watching and commenting. I’m so glad that you’ve found community with Toastmasters–I have a lot of friends who have enjoyed being a part of their local chapters, too. That’s awesome! Best of luck this year!
We relocated to the Midwest where we had no family. You are right that it is really hard as an adult to make new friends and it has taken a lot longer than anticipated for us to feel settled. We’ve been here 8 years and only recently have we really felt like we belong. In honesty, most of our friends have been found through work and through exercise. Have you thought about a part time job where you might meet people? Or joining a group exercise class or a book club? Best of luck in 2017. You will find your tribe….it just may take longer than you would like it to.
Hi Maeve! (I love your name, by the way!) Thanks for watching and commenting–I appreciate your suggestions! I’ve spent the past few days getting set up to volunteer locally, which I really look forward to this year! 🙂
Thank you for sharing so candidly. You are definitely not alone as you can see by all the comments! If not for you, but maybe some of the other readers, this book was recommended to me: https://www.amazon.com/Calm-Anxious-Heart-Contentment-Collection/dp/1600061419 and has been a great resource. It has a study to go along with each chapter (which I admittedly haven’t been diligent in doing, but would probably help even more), but each chapter speaks to me (a single, childless, 30 something), but I know it could also speak to marrieds with and without children. I personally like it because it dose have a gospel focused.
*does
Thanks for sharing, Bryn! I’ll put your book suggestion on my reading list! 🙂
Hi Blair! I can’t thank you enough for this post. I am going through a very similar, if not identical situation! 2016 brought me much joy (I got married in October), but with it came some sadness. I moved for marriage (we dated long distance)- from Nashville, TN to Memphis, TN a week before we got married. Although I am guessing Memphis is probably bigger than your town, I feel your struggle on finding friends, and becoming rooted in the community. I also left my job, house that I loved, friends and my family (they live in Nashville).Not to mention, and no offense to Memphis, I felt like I kind of downgraded, in terms of things a city had to offer. My husband’s entire family lives here in Memphis, but I am also searching for some friends of my own! I took some time off after our wedding, and am now job hunting in hopes of finding some community with coworkers. My time off has been full of mixed emotions, happy to have a vacation, but also very isolating at times. We are also still in search of a church we both can love. In all, I wanted to tell you that you are not alone! I know first hand how mentally, emotionally, and physically taxing your place in life can be. I am praying for you and on this journey with you! My word for 2017 is “grace.” I am committed now to check myself each time I’m feeling like I gave up so much by moving, and be grateful that I gained a life with my husband and opportunity to experience a new place. I’m trying to not let the frustration get to me, and be an overall, more graceful wife, daughter, and friend. Peace and blessings be with you!
Hi Ellen! It does sound like we’ve walked very, very similar paths in the past year. Thank you for your support and encouragement–the same right back at you! 🙂 I love your word for the year and the meaning behind it. I wish you all the best in 2017!
Blair, I’m so grateful that you took the time and were courageous enough to film this video. I actually graduated from UNT so I know Gainesville and all of your frustrations well enough. I grew up in McKinney which is north of Dallas and after coming back to the area from college, I’ve reeaallyyy struggled to make new meaningful friendships. I am introverted by nature as well and it’s just such a challenge.
I know that I’m not really as geographically close as it might seem (thanks North Texas traffic/construction), but I would love to connect with you! I know you don’t like to drive but I LOVE to drive haha!
I know how hard it can be to live feeling like we are in isolation while being surrounded by people. It’s such a hard thing, meeting new people and investing in relationships.
If you’re interested just let me know!!!
Hey Ashley! Thank you so much for watching and commenting. It makes me feel comforted to know that you understand my North Texas struggle!! 😉 I would love to get together for coffee or lunch! Email me at [email protected] and we’ll find a day that works–that would be amazing! Thanks so much for reaching out!
I really enjoyed this video because it seemed super genuine and heartfelt. You did not come across as whiny at all. I can relate to not liking where you live. I had to move to a small military town in Georgia for a fellowship a few years ago. I wanted to move to Atlanta but did not get the job there, and when I drove through this particular town to interview I literally started crying because it was so opposite of what I wanted and had pictured for my life. The town itself never grew on me, and I left as soon as I could (after 18 months). However, I was very fortunate in that the job itself was wonderful and I made several dear friends at work. Without them, it would have been an awful year, so it really tugged at my heartstrings to hear you struggling with both issues (lack of friends + not liking where you live).
I hesitate to say this for fear of sounding intrusive, so I sincerely apologize in advance if it is. Here goes- it crossed my mind that maybe it is not where you guys are meant to be long-term? Please don’t feel you have to comment on it here, but I just hate to think of someone experiencing what you are describing for the rest of their life. I have heard, and believe, that in order to deal with things you are unhappy about you either have to change it itself, or your attitude about it. It seems like you have given serious attempts to do so by attempting to make friends many ways, looking for things to be grateful for, etc. I know you just got set up in your house and Riley has a good job there, so this is probably a moot point. But for me, loving where I live has made an astounding difference in my happiness, even though it was not the best decision financially. Anyways, thanks again for sharing and I will send some positive vibes your way that your people start to show up!
Hi Ashley! Thank you so much for watching my video and taking the time to leave me such a heartfelt comment. I’m so sorry to hear that you had to walk through a similar season of life–it’s incredibly challenging, isn’t it? I’m truly happy that you were able to move to a place that suited you better! What a blessing.
To answer your question (which was very caring, not intrusive at all)–a resounding “no!” to whether I think this is where we’re meant to be long-term. I talk about moving all the time and obsessed about moving in 2016. Unfortunately, that led to even more discontentment and frustration because there are a few things out of my control that keep us here for at least the next 1-3 years. It is literally a daily battle to accept our zip code and become “rooted” when I’d love to uproot and move to a city I love! I am learning a lot in this dry season, even though it’s been so hard, and I’m trying to focus on becoming a more compassionate, empathetic, kind, and loving person while I wait for the right time to move. (This is much messier than the previous sentence would imply!) We often dream about moving to a city we both love and opening up a screenprinting shop together there! I really look forward to that!
Thanks again for all your support! All the best to you!
It definitely has been a blessing, and for the first time in my life I feel “in love” with my home. Ironically, I don’t think I would have ever gotten here if I didn’t live somewhere I realllllyyy didn’t like first, as feeling that unhappy somewhere inspired me to really take a chance on a lifelong dream of moving to NYC. If I had moved to Atlanta I don’t think it would have provided the push needed to make such a drastic change. I believe something very positive will come out of the situation you are in right now, although it may take a while to fully reveal itself. I think you have the right idea for the next few years with your theme of being rooted, and that is super awesome about the joint screenprinting shop!
Hang in there and have a great weekend!
Thank you so much for your honesty and vulnerability in this video! I hear what you are going through so completely! I recently moved with my husband to Miami from the Midwest for his job and I am experiencing so many similar emotions and difficulties with this transition. I, too, am introverted and have had to force myself to be social and put myself out there, but I still feel like an outsider most of the time. It can get discouraging to try and try again and get nothing back in return. It’s hard to make meaningful connections with people at this stage of life and that makes life pretty lonely sometimes! Thank goodness for wonderful, supportive husbands, but sometimes you just need a girlfriend to grab coffee with! I totally get it! When I’m feeling discouraged and hopeless, I try to remind myself that change takes time and that each step is a step. I also started a gratitude Miami journal and am trying to notice all of the wonderful things right around me even when I’m feeling low and it’s hard to see the good! Anyway, thank you for your encouragement and for reminding me that I’m not alone. Word of the year: kindness. Towards myself, towards others. I think I may have to borrow your word too!! 🙂 Thanks again and all the best to you!
Hi Blair. I’ve just discovered your blog. You are doing a great job. Praying for you. 1 Peter 5:7
Hi Pamella! Thank you for following along and for your kind encouragement. 🙂 xo