If there’s one thing I know for certain, it’s that friendship is a precious gift. I don’t collect friends; I maintain just a few close, intimate friendships. I prefer quality and depth to quantity with regards to my close friends. I always have.
So much is important in a real friendship: authenticity, humor, vulnerability, kindness, generosity, love, fun, trust, grace. But honesty? Honesty is arguably the most important.
Deception and white lies and half-truths have no place in pure friendships. These things will eat away at the very core of closeness and leave your relationships feeling like shells–lacking substance of any kind. Resentment and anger and hurt grows and they overtake the good, and suddenly, a once-friendship no longer exists.
I hold honesty in my close friendships very, very highly. I can name only a few people, less than the number of fingers on one hand, with whom I have an entirely honest friendship. These people are present for me and I for them. We’re patient with each other. We speak truth into each other’s lives. We hold one another to God’s set of standards, not the world’s, though there is a wide, alluring abyss between the two. We can open up about our families and relationships and lives and be truthful about what’s hard and hurting, what’s good and lovely.
We can speak the truth even when it’s not what the other one wants to hear. Because there’s always, always, always someone who will tell you what you want to hear, but all the more cherished are those who speak honest truth without fear of offense or hurt feelings. In a world of fake, we need real.
Friendships full of telling each other the easiest thing aren’t friendships at all; they’re only facades that will crumble in a matter of time. Speaking truth in love is hard, but it’s worth it. Because when you get there, you know your friend isn’t gossiping behind your back, isn’t talking about you to others, isn’t judging you and throwing you under the bus.
You know when honest truth is spoken that your friendship is the same in private and public, when you’re together or apart. And this security gives way to honesty and vulnerability and authenticity and paves the way for a friendship that’s real and long withstanding.
The next time a close friend speaks stinging truth to you, speaks words you’d rather not hear, take the time to pull down your defenses and contemplate her words. Thank her later. For this is the friendship that will last; this is the friend who truly loves you. Why? Because your friend cares more about you walking in light and righteousness than pacifying you with fluffy words and dishonesty.
May we be honest women, speak honest words, and receive honest truth with grace.
A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. -Proverbs 18:24, ESV
// How does honesty impact your friendships?
Thank you for reading! You can find me online on Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, and Twitter. If you’d like to be alerted whenever I publish a new post, you can follow me on Bloglovin’ or subscribe via email. Check out my fun tees in my Etsy shop and listen to my weekly podcast about simplifying life, Simplify Everything! Are you a blogger too? Check out my Blogger Mentorship Program.