In a world where it’s perfectly-styled Instagram photos, and glittery Pinterest boards, and ever-positive Facebook statuses, and a lot of “I’m great!’s,” even when we’re really, really not, and looking pretty in profile pictures when our hearts are heavy, it’s days like today when I scream I NEED YOU TO BE OKAY WITH MY UGLY!
My best friend jokes that I have FOLSIP, a made-up acronym for fear-of-looking-sloppy-in-public; it’s true–I hate to look sloppy. I love to wear yoga pants and t-shirts, but even then my hair and makeup will be done, and my toenails will always, always be painted. FOLSIP slips into many areas of my life–my online presence, the way I dress, my apartment, etc. I am as guilty as the next person of putting pretty before real sometimes, of fooling friends and family and co-workers and strangers that I have it together.
*Hysterical laughter*
Y’all, I really, really, really, REALLY, don’t.
Today was a giant joke. Actually, the past few weeks have been just a hot mess.
I live above a woman who I have to daily remind myself is a child of God because guys, she’s called the cops on me more times than I can count for noise–even when I’m legitimately asleep or laying on the couch. Because of this, I’ve had to make the decision to move, which means moving all the furniture and junk I’ve accumulated as well as changing cable, internet, magazines, credit card statements, electricity, etc, etc, etc. If you think this is a huge pain, you’re right. If you think that I think this is the most ridiculous situation of all time, you’re right. If you also think this is outrageous, you’re right. Also, my pride hurts because she “won.” #hopetheloudestpersonofalltimemovesinaboveher #kidding #noimnot
This morning, I awoke, dressed, and got in my car before meeting a friend for coffee. This was the first thing I did today, y’all. The first thing. I get in my car, back out, and am promptly hit by a distracted driver who didn’t see my car DIRECTLY BEHIND HIS. I said few words in that situation, and what I did say I should probably ask forgiveness for. Now I have to deal with insurance or replace my bumper or something similar and I have neither the time nor the energy for this right now. (Mind you I just got my car out of the shop after it was nearly totaled a couple of months ago.)
Later, I headed to a seamstress to get alterations done on a dress. I walked in thinking I’d pay around $30 and left with $100 less. I can’t. I just really, really can’t.
These are three small things in the pot with what feels like a thousand other annoyances that I’ve been trudging through lately.
Listen: I love Jesus, I can’t imagine my life without Him, He saved me, He gives me daily hope, grace, and love, and I know that I have purpose in life.
AND I STILL HAVE REALLY UGLY DAYS.
Days when I’m overwhelmed and annoyed, frustrated and discontent, hopeless and anxious, angry and sad…days when deep hurt in others’ lives or around the world doesn’t affect me the way it should because I’m so over dealing with it all.
I know I’m not alone with my ugly; what’s yours? It’s okay, we’ll be pretty some other day.
It seems like my ugly comes 70% of the time. Tired, worn out, stressed about finding the time to get things done, forever worried that I am not parenting the best way for my child, feeling guilt that I am throwing my stellar education and high intelligence away in a dad end low paying job because I don’t have the time or energy to find a better path… Then there is guilt about feeling like things are so ugly, because I am sure that, having been given the amazing gift of an amazing child, I should be ecstatically happy 99.7% of the time.
Thanks for sharing–I think so many of us can relate. I mean, I’m so blessed to even HAVE an apartment, a car, or a job–and yet how easy it is for the uglies to sneak in and grip me! Prayers that we would all stay REAL, and know that ugly comes, but with that recognize the beauty that is in each of our lives.
xo,
b
This makes me feel like i’m not the only one. Thank you
Check me out if you’d like….
xx
Tyana
theluxedtion.blogspot.com
You really, really aren’t! Hugs, Tyana.
xo,
b
This is such a meaningful post for me. I just went through an insanely busy time at work which left me with no energy because I’d get home between midnight and 3am 7 days a week. There were so many times that I chewed out my husband for no reason other than that I was exhausted and “didn’t have the time” to be nice to him or think of how he would be feeling. I hate that ugly side of me that comes out whenever I’m really stressed. All I can do now is ask forgiveness from him and pay attention to him after he spent so many weeks just trying to make me happy with no thankfulness in return. Then there is also the physical “ugliness” that I felt during the same time because there was no time for getting ready for work like I am so used to. I found myself in the office with crazy hair and very little makeup which is something I had never done before. Thanks for this post!
Oh, Emily, I can SO relate! Thanks for sharing your story. We always seem to snap first with the people we love the most, don’t we? Prayers and love your way!
xo,
b
Thank-you so much for being honest! I have also been dealing with a lot of stress lately, and I have noticed how much we “fake it” everyday, even in the simple things. It’s great that someone is willing to be honest.
Thanks for your kind comment! I’m so glad there are other people fighting to be authentic!
xo,
b
I was never into blogs….that is, until I found yours. I went to your site after finding your “Blessing Bags” pin on Pinterest (Phenomenal idea by the way! I cannot wait to do these!). I have spent quite a few hours over the past few days reading through A TON of your blogs. Needless to say, I’M ADDICTED! I have gone through many struggles in my life after losing my brother nearly 3 years ago, and I just recently restored my relationship with Jesus. Your faith, kindness, and overall “realness” has helped me in this journey. I think it was part of God’s plan for me to find this site. Thank you for your posts. You are an inspiration to me.
Hey McKenna,
Thank you SO much for your kind, thoughtful comment. I love to write and love to hear that my stories are blessing others with encouragement. Big virtual hugs! Thanks for stopping by! 🙂
xo,
b