Let me preface with this: I in no way mean offense to any woman reading this–this is my truth and my life. I respect yours more than you know.
Not my child! My precious cousin, Avery
I have graduated from college with an excellent degree and got a job that not only pays the bills but teaches me, but what it all boils down to for me is this:
My only real dream is to be a mom. The only one.
(And I’m an unmarried college graduate.)
I have other dreams, like to become a published author, to blog full-time, to renovate and fix up an old house…but this truth…it’s something I’ve known for years, probably since I was eight or nine years old. It’s like God planted a seed deep in my heart, one that has swollen and sprouted throughout my life, one that whispers: “Your life purpose is to become a mother.”
It’s something that I’ve only embraced halfway, because the society that we live in allows for nothing less than powerful businesswomen, successful and highly educated and power suits. And to those women–I say thank you, for changing the world and breaking down barriers and stereotypes and glass ceilings. You rock.
But I feel compelled to speak to the other women, the women like me, who have a gut feeling that their true calling is to raise babies, I feel compelled to say–our dream is just as valid.
Somewhere in history between all women at home and all women working on Wall Street, America has seemed to strip us of the option to dream to become a mother. It’s somehow seen as regressing, moving backward instead of forward.
But hear me: I don’t care if I ever make six figures. In my heart, I don’t care one iota about moving up and up in a company.
And also hear this: My soul would absolutely crumble if I never have the chance to become a mother, whether biologically or through adoption, or both. I believe it’s what I was born to do.
My friends can vouch for me. I constantly “mother” them, making them food even when they said they aren’t hungry (I just know they are), cuddling them when they are sad, playing with their hair, scratching their backs, giving them advice (coughsometimesunsolicitedcough), praying for them, hoping the best for them, being disappointed or overly upset when they make a decision that I feel will hurt them.
This is not to say that I won’t be both a mom and a businesswoman. Or a mom and a writer. Or a mom and a blogger. Or a mom and all three (hopefully not this option). I know it takes a lot financially to raise a family; I realize that I may have to work or want to work or both when I have children. And even though there’s no way that I could predict now what God has for me in the future, I am absolutely positive that He will make me a mother–in His way–in His time–according to His plan.
If you’re reading this as a woman with big dreams outside of the home, if you dream of becoming a CEO, or starting a nonprofit, or finding the cure for cancer, your head may be a bit boggled by my reality. But just as you have a passion for your dreams, and God-given gifts to help bring them to fruition, I have deep-rooted passion for becoming a mom–even though I’m not married yet!
I get told on a weekly basis that I’ll be a good mom. Sometimes more frequently than that. And even though that is still many years in the future, the people who tell me that are right. I will be a good mom (not a perfect one by any stretch of the imagination)…
Also not my children! Sweet babies in the nursery at church
…after all, it’s what I was made for.
If you’d like to chat about this post or anything else, please feel free to email me at [email protected].
This post has been shared on Party Wave Wednesday & Thank Your Body Thursday.
Oh, I absolutely love this! I have always felt the same way, and now that I am in college, I’m feeling tremendous pressure from my teachers and peers to either give up this dream entirely or value it less. Thanks for saying so eloquently what I’ve always wanted to. 🙂
Thanks for your comment Margaret, and your support. I understand you.
xo,
b
I agree completely! I have always felt deep in my heart that I just want to be a mom. That’s my purpose and what I feel I was put on this earth to do. I am currently in college and still struggle with the whole “career woman” mentality. I should not be looked down upon for wanting to just be a mom. Great blog!
Thanks, Anna! I think an education is PRECIOUS, and I think it will take us far. But having an education doesn’t take away the opportunity to mother children, either. Thanks for reading!
xo,
b
Oh Blair, even though I don’t know you personally, I love reading you blog and this my far is my favorite post. Your honestly is beauty and I also share this beautiful sentiment that God has placed a desire in me to be a mom. Keep writing.
Jen–thank you for your support and encouragement. You’re wonderful.
xo,
b
Blair, this is awesome! I hope you get the chance to be a stay at home mom, if even for a few years. You are blessed that you know in your heart what God’s plan is for you. You are also realistic, knowing you have to pay the bills! I think it will all come together for you in due time. I have to say, you have a wonderful role model in your life-your own mom! I grew up next door to your dad and knew him better than your mom. It’s obvious that your mom and dad have done a wonderful job raising such a fantastic young adult! Don’t ever forget your true dreams!
Janice Shagena
Thanks so much for your comment, Janice! What a small world it is. 🙂
xo,
b
You are such a mini me….I really think I should have birthed you. We have so very many character traits in common but this wish of yours I know for certain….motherhood is the best part of my life. My heart walks, and talks, and grows, and hurts, and strives to live happily everyday in the form of Claire and Brooke. I was never happier when I delivered them and had the chance to stay home for 8 yrs. They need me so much and I cherish that relationship that I have with my dear girls. I know too, that God holds your dream close and continually is preparing you to parent with each opportunity you have to be around babies, toddlers, young adults and college friends. With a masters plus 60 credits beyond, I chose the career of working with children, but I would give it up in a heartbeat to be home full time with my girls.
You’re so sweet. I see so much of your heart in mine, too, and I’m excited to see what God has in store for the both of us! Love you!
xo,
b
This right here describes me. I want nothing more in life than to be a mommy blogger and raise children. I want to stay at home and raise them and be a house wife. To some people they think that is absurd but I will be this because to me this is more rewarding than having a powerful job. To me this is a powerful job raising the next generation!
Amen! It is a powerful job to raise the next generation! 🙂
xo,
b
Perfectly expressed!!! I always get strange looks when I tell people I want to be a stay-at-home mom!! Or I get the question, “then why are you paying for a college education?!” Maybe because I want to be an educated mother, plus know how to take care of myself 🙂
Agreed. Love it.
xo,
b
Thank you for this post Blair! I have big dreams for myself as well, but I completely related to this post. I’ve always connected with children from camp counseling, nannying, and working for a little bit at a Children’s Hospital & NICU. I think my passion for women’s health & fertility stems from my dream to be a mom as well – since I won’t be having children for several more years, I just wanna help others grow the healthiest babies they can. Thanks for reminding everyone that being a mom is just as valid as a dream as others.
Thanks for your comment, Lauren! And for your work–you have healing hands, God bless them & you!
xo,
b
Simply said: You’re perfectly made 🙂 Love that Avery made your fantastic blog! XOXO
Thanks so much for writing about this topic! I was thinking recently that we live in a society that does not embrace motherhood as a goal in life. I know God as made me to be a mom, as well! God Bless!
Thanks for sharing, Karyn!
xo,
b
Thank you for having the courage to say it…I currently stay home with my 13-month old daughter, and I have been having an inner struggle of sorts. I am torn between what I want to be doing (focusing on my daughter, family and home), and what I feel I am supposed to be doing (conquering the world via career). Sometimes I have to remind myself that being a mom is enough. Actually, my loftiest goal ;-
Good for you, Breanne! You’re inspiring. Thanks for your comment.
xo,
b
So awesome! Thank you for this!! I’m a recently new mom (my son is 18 months) and I knew before he was born that God’s purpose for my life was to be a mom and a wife. Even through the obstacles and the trials (it took us 6 years, 2 miscarriages and fertility treatments to have him), I didn’t lose hope because I KNEW that I was meant to be a mom. Even though I don’t have the privilege of being a stay at home mother to my son, I know the time I have with him is special and I cherish every second of it! He is my world and I love being his mom!!! I’ve never been career oriented, but like you, I’ve felt like there was something wrong with me for not wanting a career and just wanting to be a mom. Thanks again!!
Your story is so inspiring to me, and I’m sure to other girls like me! Thank you so much for sharing!
xo,
b
PS-give your son a hug and kiss from me 🙂
This was a beautiful post. I completely understand you. I have wanted to be a mom since i was little. I am about to go to college and i get weird look for saying i want to be a stay at home mom even though im going to get a good college education. Too me though, it is just God’s plan for me. Thank you for this post 🙂
So glad that you can relate! 🙂
xo,
b
I love this blog, Im about to finish my degree and all my life my parents have taught me to reach for the stars and climb ladders in my career so I can have the big fancy house and Caribbean holidays twice a year and I completely understand why they are pushing me in that direction but all I want to do is be a mother. The thought of never having kids or being an older mom breaks my heart… I want to run around with my kids and explore life with them while I’m young. Sometimes I feel like nobody understands, even thought quite a few of my friends have kids, most of them didn’t go to university and keep telling me i have options and being a mother isn’t as great as it seems. Your post really spoke volumes to me 🙂
Hey Sasha!
Thanks for your comment, I am totally in your boat. Sometimes we have to hold on to what we know is true in our hearts–the seeds that God planted in us don’t always make sense to other people, and that’s okay–they make sense to us! 🙂
xo,
b
Blair- I just came across your blog. I will be a freshman in college this fall. I first read your posts about college and continued reading about your apartment, and work. 🙂 God is doing great things in your life. You are a great role model of someone I hope to be like when I’m in my 20s. I love this post so much. I definitely want to be a mommy. I also want to be a teacher. I love kids so much. You are so inspiring and talented! Keep blogging and God Bless! 🙂
Ashley,
You have me blushing! Thank you so much for your kind words! You’re awesome! 🙂
xo,
b
I feel the same! Not even out of high school and I know I want to be a mom. My friends tell me I would make a good mother as well.
So sweet, Elizabeth. I love that you can relate!
xo,
b
I have definitly felt that, too. I often get told what a good mother I would be and how good I am with children (I want to become a primary school teacher). And being a mom was always my wish. Even though I´m very young, I think about my life goals concerning family and job.
I´m really thankful to have found your blog, besides improving my English, you really get me thinking about certain topics. I always enjoy your blog posts and to me you´re one of the greatest role models anyone could have! I really love your blog and appreciate the work you put into it 🙂
So sweet that you can relate! 🙂
xo,
b
Hi,
it is so good when we found people just like us, that think alike and have the same thoughts 😀
I also have a big dream to become a mom one day.
I got pregnant in 2012 but I misscarried 🙁 and couldnt get pregnant again, after that I splited from my ex husband after 7 years marriage – not because of that, or not just because of that.
I would love do devotated my life to my husband and kids 🙂 It would definitelly be the most important thing in my life 🙂
Now I have a fiancee, he lives in Ireland and for now I live in Brazil, but I still have faith on have my own family and be called mommy for those cute little things kids are 🙂
Congratulations for u blog and keep encouraging girls to assume their role as mom in the society…nowadays many people treat moms as useless if they dont have a job or a full time job.
Regards,
Rachel from Brazil
Hi Rachel! 🙂
Thanks for your sweet note. I’m so sorry to hear that you miscarried and have since divorced. That must have been really hard. I pray that you find a strong, kind, and patient man in the future to marry and have children with!
xo,
b
Hi. I know this is very late but I just stumbled across it.
I agree with this whole heartedly. I’ve always since being young wanted to be a mother. I was that girl in high school who changed her mind every week on what I wanted to be because everyone was striving for a career. I felt embarrassed that I wanted to be a stay at home mum and house wife.
I took courses and done work experience in schools. Becoming a teaching assistant. I worked with special educational needs children and it was very fulfilling.
With my (now ex) fiance 3 years ago I fell pregnant and miscarried. But I had always been embarrassed that I just wanted to be a mother. I had a great job and worked full time as a store manager at the age of 23. Now with my most recent partner he’s the only man I’ve been with and felt so at ease with that I told him I have no career aspirations and have only ever wanted to be a stay at home mum and house wife. Maybe going back into being a teaching assistant when the kids are at school.
I was even confident enough to tell my mother. However she instantly sneered at me and degraded it and said I want to be like my Aunty (fathers sister) who she dislikes a lot.
She is a nurse and has wanted to be that since she was a child so I understand her not getting it.
I just love how you have the confidence to tell people. That you have also noticed that these days we’re seen as backwards for not wanting careers. Or to follow society just because rules have now been made so that women can work up the corporate ladders with men and can have careers of their choosing.
Thank you so much for this post. It meant so much just to read it and see that there are others.
Xx
I’m so glad you were encouraged, Allie. 🙂
xo,
b
I am so glad I cam across your blog! My name is Neva Jo Anna and I can relate so much to everything that you said.. I have been feeling like I should be a certain person “a career woman” for so long. Feeling guilty for not wanting that. All I truly want is to become a mom. I have so many gifts. I’m so compassionate so kind hearted & patient. I know that I also was put on the earth to love & nurture. My friends too, always say I am the mother in the group!
I always feel like a misfit, I have felt this way my whole life. I wish that just wanting to be a mom wasn’t looked down upon.. But I think its time for me not to worry about what everyone else thinks & be proud of the wonderful person that I am!
LOVE IT. God bless.
xo,
b
Hi Blair
Ive felt like I wanted to be a mum for as long as I can remember. I love the idea of a job that requires you to love and care for a child and see him or her grow. The idea just makes me feel warm and happy. I know that it is a really tough job but I really hope that God will give me the strength to carry it through. I totally agree with what you said about being educated and being able to pay all the bills. But like you my passion and dream is to be a mother. I hope one day we can all fulfil our dreams!
Thank you for this post! I’ve been having a bit of an internal struggle with this. In today’s society where women are breaking the barriers (and kicking butt at it) it’s hard not to feel like you’ll receive some judgement when saying when you grow up, you want to become a mom. It’s great that women have so many more options now than when my grandmothers were raising their families. But it seems like societal expectations have shifted to women being seen as unmotivated or uninspired when they just want to build a family rather than a name for themselves in a corporation.
I also had the inclination when I was younger and now (26, almost 4 years out of college) the yearning is still there. I work on Wall St and greatly respect the women that manage both family and career (my mom!) but I have always seen myself being a homemaker and care taker of my children and family. When I was younger, I thought I’d already have one baby by my age! Luckily I believe in Gd’s plan to build me into a stronger woman before motherhood.
Although many stay-at-home moms solely manage their kids for 18+ years, I can’t say that once the kids are in school I wouldn’t want to have a side-business of sorts. But the pressures of the workplace and everyone striving to move up in rank is not the most appealing thing to me. It really casts a light on what is truly important in this life (love, family, morals/values, etc.)
Thank you for this beautifully written post. Again, I feel as if this were written about me. I have also long known that God’s purpose for my life is to be a mother. I don’t know exactly when that will happen, and to be perfectly honest, I am content living my life with my husband and our pups in this moment. But, I know that someday, in his time God will grant me the miracle of a child.
I love, love, love this subject! You said it perfectly. I have wanted to be a mom, and a stay-at-home mom for as long as I can remember. There is such a stigma against mothers who stay home, as if we aren’t ambitious enough or are lazy. Many people don’t understand why professional life doesn’t interest us. Creating and caring for a family is way more important. Life is too short to not follow our hearts and I think more mothers should follow their intuition. It is beyond refreshing to read of moms who feel the same as I. Thank you so much for posting this writing piece.
Wishing you the best!