Life right now, amidst the 2020 COVID-19 pandemic, is profoundly bizarre.
To watch the entire nation–and the entire world–come to a screeching halt is surreal and unnerving. Businesses are closed. School years are over. All non-essential travel is canceled. People are afraid to leave their homes. There’s no toilet paper or hand sanitizer left on shelves; there’s very little personal protective equipment for healthcare workers. ICU beds are filling up. Church pews are empty. Many places have issued mandatory “shelter in place” orders. Millions of Americans are out of jobs. The economy has crashed. It’s like a bad movie, and we’re all in the middle of it.
I intend to document our life right now with the sincere hope that I will reread these words soon and think how glad I am that this horrific global pandemic is over. Of course, I’m only able to describe our tiny slice of life and the experiences within it; there’s no conceivable way for me to encompass everyone’s reality.
For us, life is like Groundhog Day. There’s no difference between a Saturday and a Monday and a Thursday. Every day is the same. There’s nothing to mark the time. Nora and I are at home every day, all day, full time. Today is day 29 of “social distancing” for us (April 6th). Day 29 of ?
Riley is working shortened hours and communicating with customers via the phone and email. His small business is feeling the strain but doing okay so far, which is more than many people are able to say. (He’s considered an essential worker because he does uniforming, including uniforming law enforcement officers and firefighters.) In my own work, I’ve noticed a major uptick in online engagement but a decrease in Etsy sales, as can be expected.
We try to make a point to take a long walk every day, but the weather has made this challenging. I miss being out in the world. What I would give to walk around Target, to grocery shop, to eat out at a restaurant!
Most of all, I desperately miss seeing my family and friends. We were supposed to travel to Maryland for Easter but had to cancel our trip. We have another trip to Maryland planned in mid-May, but that’ll likely be cancelled too. We have a third trip in June, and that’s the only one that may stand, but there’s no way to know now. I don’t know when I’ll be able to see my east coast people, and it breaks my heart.
I haven’t been able to see local family and friends either. I really miss my mother-in-law and sisters-in-law. They’re missing Nora growing up, even though we’re only a few miles apart, which deeply pains me. I miss my friends too. We usually get together for coffee, lunch, or just to take a long walk a couple of times a week. New motherhood can be intrinsically lonely; this makes it even more so.
Like anything, there have been good things too. Riley’s home more, which allows us to have extra family time. He’s gotten to be a part of Nora’s day-to-day in a way that he can’t when he’s out of the house working full time. Life is simpler, of course. We’re cooking and baking at home. I’ve had the chance to pick up filming YouTube videos and writing again with Riley around to care for Nora. Although our income has decreased, so have our expenses. Aside from the obvious bills, our only expenditure is groceries. I’ve made a point not to pass the time by shopping online for fear that my current state of boredom would cause me to overspend.
There’s a level of panic and anxiety that underlines every part of life right now. When Riley returns home from work, he immediately takes off his shoes and washes his hands. He sometimes changes his clothes completely. I wipe down our doorknobs, light switches, cell phones, remotes, faucets, and anything else that gets touched frequently whenever I have the time. The couple of times we’ve gone out for food through a drive-through, I’ve used sanitizer wipes to wipe down our credit card and drink cups. It’s impossible to know what’s enough and how much is too much. It’s crazy-making, really.
I’ve tried to stay in touch with family and friends as much as possible through Zoom, FaceTime, text messaging, phone calls, Marco Polo, and sending cards. Communicating with people in “the outside world” helps restore a small sense of normalcy.
To be honest, there are some days when I feel like I’m going to burst! I have the worst case of Cabin Fever I’ve ever experienced. Our house feels like it’s closing in on me, leaving me feeling claustrophobic and frazzled. To pass the time, there are small projects around our home that I’d like to work on, like painting our laundry room or reorganizing the linen closet. Somehow, these projects feel overwhelming. I might attempt to tackle them anyway.
Some days, I throw a bit of a pity party for myself, which I know is selfish and ridiculous. This pandemic came about just as I was finally feeling better after my postpartum from hell. Essentially, I’ve been stuck at home for five months and counting. “Over it” doesn’t scratch the surface.
Each night, Riley and I talk about what we’ll do when COVID-19 has simmered down. “We can walk around Walmart!” he’ll say. “And eat dinner out!” I’ll add. What a day that’ll be! We’re looking forward to doing anything outside of the house.
The chaos continues to spin, and we’ll continue to stay at home. Because for every minute of boredom and Cabin Fever, there’s a healthcare worker sacrificing his/her health and the health of his/her family to treat the public. There’s a janitor keeping public spaces sanitized. There’s a grocery store worker restocking the shelves. These essential workers and others are keeping our nation going at great sacrifice and risk…and all we have to do is stay at home. And so, we’ll stay at home and do our part. And fiercely hope and pray that this ends soon.
It’s very odd–almost like an out-of-body experience–to be living through something that will surely appear in my daughter’s history books. I feel the same way about 9/11, but my young age at the time sheltered me from understanding the profound impact of such an attack. As an adult woman, the coronavirus outbreak’s implications weigh on my mind. This is truly a historical event.
One thing I’ve noticed since the majority of people began “social distancing” is kindness. Loads and loads of kindness. I’ve noticed empathy, compassion, and warmth in a way I’ve never seen before. I’ve been sharing regularly online since 2012 when I started this blog, and people’s words have been more love-filled and kinder than ever. It seems that we’re all seeking connection and generally overlooking the disagreements and differences of opinion that prevent it. I hope this effort to connect and be kind stays around after the virus has made its way out.
Tell me: What’s your life looked like during COVID-19? How are you feeling? What are you observing in the world around you? One day, we’ll reread this post and others like it and think, “Wow, remember that?”
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Same here in VA. Just trying to take the time to slow and down, rest, and refuel. The other day I thought about an older blog post of yours entitled “You’ll rest either way,” and boy has God ever given us a period of rest. Glad to hear you guys are continuing to stay safe and well. Prayers from VA!
I feel exactly the same. My daughter is now one years old and can get out and play at our local park and get happy meals and enjoy Easter and my dads birthday this past weekend. BUT no a pandemic is happening?!?! I too had trouble having Parker then she was born 6 weeks early and was in the Nicu. Sometimes I think the Lord did not have me go through all this to not survive a pandemic. But I can’t help but worry what the future holds. Some days I’m happy to work from home and watch our daughter. Some days I feel guilty when my husband comes home from work and I want a break. Sometimes I get anxiety from news. But we are all in this together. We will get through it, we will get through this together. That’s what our Kentucky governor says everyday at 5pm when he is on tv talking to us. Thanks for always sharing. Take care!
In some ways, not a lot has changed. I was already working from home and my kids are homeschooled. But my older daughter worked at Sea World and has since been furloughed. It feels weird to not be able to go to Disney when we want or even to walk around the grocery store or Target!
One of the more difficult things has been knowing that my home-bound mother can’t have visitors due to being high risk. My elementary aged children typically go to her apartment several times a week to spend time with her and help with household things. Thankfully she has a wonderful physical therapist who now also takes out her trash and brings her laundry down to me, as well as great support from our church.
Hey Blair! What a well written post! I think it encompasses how I feel at this moment in time. I think of all of the ways that life has changed so suddenly for so many. It breaks my heart to think of how many people are suffering during this time. I wish there were something I could do. All we can do is cling to Jesus and pray that this will come to pass soon.
Thank you so much for sharing. My husband and I also have a post-Covid bucket list started. We’ve been writing them down and putting them in a jar. When this is all over we plan to fulfill our wishes as we can. We are also crossing our fingers for our September Disneyworld trip. I hope Nora is able to go for her magical first birthday as well. Hope you all stay safe and healthy.
You definitely articulated (very well) much of how I am feeling! Our days are like a more lonely variation on our normal routine (no toddler classes, or meet-ups with family), and with a very spirited young child at home, it’s particularly challenging. I feel the weight of responsibility for his social development on my shoulders and immense guilt that he isn’t having much social interaction – bar some zoom calls with nana and his auntie. On a more positive note I am savouring even more the little things – like my coffees to help me through the day, the promise of blossom and daffodils on my daily walk around the block and the shafts of sunlight coming through the window to sit in.
Saying all this as our PM, Boris has been moved to intensive care with Covid. It’s all hard to digest and deeply disturbing.
Hi Blair,
This is a great post and it’s so cool how you and Nora can one day read this when she’s older and see how life was in 2020.
This definitely feels like an out-of-body experience.
For me, not much has changed. My husband and I continue to work full time out of the home and I’ve been running as usual (mostly on treadmill now). We take walks sometimes just here in the neighborhood. I’m the one who does the grocery shopping and my daughter doesn’t like that we can’t go walk around stores or even to the library! I hope this ends soon, but who knows. My half marathon for 04/11 was cancelled and the Mother’s day 5K that I run each year is most likely going to be cancelled.
Stay well! I’m sorry that once you started to feel well, all this happened!
Maythe
somedayillbeontime.com
Hi there Blair, THANKS so very much for sharing this…. i think it helps us feel like we’re not alone going through this ultra challenging time. We have moments when we are super anxious and worried BC if one of us gets this CV we can pass it to our special needs “super high risk” lil guy and then we fear the ultimate worst case scenario 🙁 …. But we have managed our stress usually with fun distractions throughout the yrs… (he’s had multiple surgeries, hospital stays, and illnesses)
…. not to lessen the seriousness and severity of the different situations but we know we have to be able to manage our mental health to be able to best care for him and us.
So… at this time of CV we are doing all these things and more:
Watching LOTS n LOTS of youtube (THANKS to God for youtube!), watching the “Daily social distancing show” w/ Trevor Noah – so super duper silly and we LOVE his Trump impersonations lol!, we r in the middle of watching Tiger King – geez louise!, we listen to tons of relaxing music including religious music and read several Christian devotionals together, We watch the Cuomo brothers every morning and evening (and secret: one of my girlfriends and me have a big crush on them LOL), I am cooking and baking a TON (Lots of “comfort eating” going on here lol) We r playing Tons of games w/ my mother, N and i are practicing the piano like 2x a day for daddy, we r re-watching all the episodes of Curb ur Enthusiasm and watching the few seasons of bachelor/bachelorette we missed… and me and the hubby r having “scheduled date-nites/long evening chats in the living/ding rm” and Facetiming w/ family and friends of course. THANKS so very very much again for sharing ur lives with us… u really do a great job! God bless 🙂
Hi there again Blair, Just wanted to tell u something… When our lil prince was born… i also felt so alone… almost all of my HS and college friends lived about an hour+ away and with our lil guy being so super medically needy i couldnt just leave him with someone or bring him with me. I couldnt even just take him anywhere fun for us for a long time and then when he was a lil older and less fragile… i had to wait til the weekend to get my hubbys help. also, i had retired from work as a busy elementary school teacher to be with our baby and that was such a huge adjustment in itself. also, the couple local friends i had didnt have kids and with my new “mommy status” i felt like we didnt “relate” anymore and for some reason that made me feel even more alone. My baby blues turned into big time post partum and more… for like a REALLY REALLY long long time til i got help. Please take care of urself. Since then ive made friends with all of my neighborhood… like 10 families, and kept in really good touch with the families of our son’s classmates. That has been such a blessing. If i could do anything to help u please feel free to reach out. Several of my good friends say im like their “therapist” lol… but really im just so glad and honored to be a good trusted friend. My favorite religious author, Matthew Kelly says our purpose in life/the “meaning of life” is to become the “Best Version of Yourself” and in turn to help others do the same. P.S. i think u should slowly tackle ur fun lil home projects but dont put too much pressure on urself to get them all done too quickly. try to enjoy the process God bless u guys 🙂
Blair, you’ve written, in such a beautiful way, what so many of us are feeling. Sometimes I stop & think about what is going on & still cannot believe it. Our lives changed almost overnight when our schools shut & our Governor put our state (NJ) on a lockdown with a curfew. My husband is working from home full time for now, as I am homeschooling our Kindergartener. I feel so sad about the world situation & for those who have lost their jobs, who have become sick, & to those who have lost a loved one to this. Thank you for sharing your story & to everyone else who has as well. We are so thankful & blessed to have the many heroes out there, putting their own lives at risk, to help all of us. We are all in this together! And we will be just as excited as you, Riley, & Nora to be able to eat out & to walk around Walmart again 🙂
Hi Blair! I am so glad to see you blogging during this time. I am trying to remember that this is historical and while that often feels maddening we can get through this. I am grateful to see one of your more old school posts! Welcome back. 🙂
Thanks for sharing your slice of life during this time. It really helps to feel less alone.
As for me, I live in South Korea so we’ve been social distancing since February. My fiance and I had planned our Korean wedding for March, and an American wedding in the States in the summer. But then the virus happened, and in one fell swoop we lost both weddings. By late February, it was clear that having any type of gathering was unsafe, so we postponed, and I was heartbroken that my family wouldn’t be able to visit. I’m an elementary school teacher, and since the school year got postponed, I lost my summer vacation, meaning no summer wedding either.
Since then I’ve basically been at home until this week. At first I was glad to have time to read more, blog more, cook more, in a safe place. But I started getting really depressed because I felt scared, lonely, and useless. I was really relieved to get called back to work on Monday to start preparing online education for my students, but now I face public transportation (I have to commute) with dread and fear.
SK has been really praised for how the government has been handling the virus but I actually wish they were more strict. XD Since cases have gone down, more people are going outside for fun (shopping, dining, socializing, cherry blossoms) and don’t wear masks as often. I get scared we’ll have another surge just as things are starting to turn around. I am sometimes tempted throw caution to the wind as well, but I know the most powerful, helpful thing we can all do is continue to stay home as much as possible, so I am committed to doing my part.
Today I got the news that my mom appears to have caught the virus…but we won’t know for sure until test results come back in two days. My sister lives with her so she surely has it too, but no health insurance as she lost her job due to the pandemic. I’m so scared for what will happen next.
The list of things to worry about seems to get longer each day. I feel guilty even writing about all this because nobody else needs to be exposed to this much negativity, and whining won’t change my situation. I’m not religious anymore so I don’t pray… but trying to think positively, being grateful, staying in touch with loved ones, and distracting myself when I need it have been the most helpful in dealing with all of this. I like your idea of making a post-virus bucket list. I think it would give me something to hope for and look forward to. Every morning I wake up and try to practice gratitude. I’m healthy, my husband is healthy, we both have our incomes and a roof over our heads, I’m educated, I’m literate, I have access to food and clean water, I woke up to see another day…etc. Watching your videos, especially the Disney ones, give me a little moment of peace and sanity so I’m also grateful for you and your family. And lately my husband and I (we got legally married even though we couldn’t have our wedding, also grateful for that!) have been spending more time in conversation and watching fun movies and tv shows.
I hope you and yours stay safe and healthy through all of this. Thank you again for sharing your experiences and all of the comforting content you make. <3
Even though life’s slowly getting back to normal here in Maryland, this whole mess has just really taken a toll on me. Im a pre school teacher and in MD thats considered essential however My job closed for 2 months, after someone had to be tested and the clientele just continued to drop because if the rising cases. Maryland unemployment made the experience more stressful on top of that.. My wedding was inside that CDC window when all this started so we were forced to postpone,which by far was one of the most heartbreaking moments of my life. I feel like people arent taking this seriously and unless you’re waiting on covid test results, they don’t understand the stress it puts on families who are waiting to know if they’ll need quarantine or if everything will be okay, regardless if its a mild or god forbid a severe case where hospitalization is needed. However as life is getting back to the norm here, we can finally have my wedding, although we’ve had to totally rearrange how we’re doing it from cutting down guest count to no reception. Im just happy to be healthy and working again.
I so resonated with this post! Especially now when I have been feeling cabin fever and the pain of moving to a new place and knowing no one. I went back though and your posts on loneliness brought me hope. I am ever grateful to you for sharing your story.