One of Gretchen Rubin’s “secrets of adulthood” is:
“What’s fun for other people may not be fun for you–and vice versa.”
If you’re not already familiar with her, Gretchen Rubin is an author who studies happiness and good habits. She hosts a fabulous podcast called Happier, has created a fascinating four tendency framework, and has written books like The Happiness Project, Better Than Before, and her newest, The Four Tendencies. I love her work, and know that many of you do too.
I first heard Gretchen share this “secret of adulthood” on her podcast sometime last year. It’s a simple statement–“What’s fun for other people may not be fun for you–and vice versa”–but it really impacted me. When she mentioned it again in a recent episode, I knew I had to write a blog post about it.
Why don’t I think this is fun?
There have been countless times in my life where I’ve thought: Why don’t I think this is fun? I can recall many instances of experiencing this feeling throughout my childhood and into high school and college.
In those later years, I mostly felt like an oddball because I have never found drinking and partying to be fun. I have a handful of funny memories of nights when I went out in college, and standing in a crowded party with other college students, I thought Am I missing something? I wasn’t having any fun, but apparently everyone around me was having the time of their lives!
What it really boils down to this simple principle: what’s fun for other people may not be fun for me! (And vice versa!)
Do you know what you find fun?
I think many people probably do know what they find fun, but I’m certain there are many who don’t. It’s important to consider what you actually find fun–not what your family finds fun, not what your significant other finds fun, not what your friends find fun, not what society, the media, or social media tells you is fun–but what you actually find fun!
On Gretchen’s podcast, she recently shared a story on this subject. Apparently she and her friend were chatting at a dinner party, and her friend was gushing about her family’s recent ski trip. Gretchen expressed how glad she was that her friend had enjoyed herself so much, but that she herself would not find a ski trip to be fun. Her friend went on to list all the reasons why ski trips are fun, but Gretchen reiterated her stance. Later in the evening, the friend found Gretchen again and told her that their conversation had sparked a revelation within her–she realized that she didn’t actually enjoy ski trips!
I think many of us can relate to the ski trip woman. How many times do we consider activities or trips to be fun because they’re “supposed” to be fun, but we don’t actually find them fun?
It comes down to knowing and accepting oneself
In the end, I think it comes down to first knowing ourselves, and then accepting ourselves as we are. We all have finite time and resources, and I believe that in the moments when we have time for fun, we should know what we find fun, whether it’s popular or not.
If you don’t like ski trips, you don’t like ski trips. If concerts make you overwhelmed and aren’t fun to you, concerts make you overwhelmed and aren’t fun to you. If cooking and baking make you stressed, cooking and baking make you stressed. If watching movies makes you feel antsy, watching movies makes you feel antsy. If exercising is a nightmare to you, exercising is a nightmare to you.
That’s not to say you’ll never go on a ski trip, go to a concert, cook, bake, watch a movie, or exercise again–it’s to say that you don’t find those things fun. And that’s okay!
In this blog post, Gretchen writes:
“The fact is, nothing’s inherently fun. Shopping, drinking wine, watching sports on TV, crossword puzzles…none of these things are fun for me. But they’re fun for other people. Recently I heard from a reader who thinks it’s fun to balance a checkbook! We all have our own ideas of fun.”
On the flipside, you gotta own what you find fun. And when you have time to do something you find fun, do what you actually find fun! You catch my drift?
Go have fun!
What do you find fun? I think taking walks, writing in my journal or on my blog, bubble baths, watching YouTube videos, going to Walt Disney World, online shopping, organizing projects around the house, cooking from scratch, hosting small dinner parties, grocery shopping, coffee dates, planning trips, dabbling in essential oils, snail mail, and being at home are all very fun to me.
Decidedly not fun to me? Large parties, loud/crowded bars or restaurants, concerts, any sport where I feel “put on the spot” (i.e. kickball, softball, volleyball, basketball), scary movies, staying out late, long road trips, playing instruments, intense exercise, camping, and acting (i.e. charades, theater).
Riley wanted to chime in with his lists. Here they are verbatim. What he finds fun: video games, loud concerts, scary movies, talking about nerdy things at length with friends (i.e. Dungeons and Dragons), shopping, researching anything, going to Disney, listening to and playing music, trying new things, and home improvement projects. What he does not find fun: organized events (he ranted about this for five minutes), itineraries, and camping.
// I would love to hear from you! What do you find fun? What’s not fun to you? Is there anything you find fun that most people don’t, or anything you don’t find fun that most people do?
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I really like this post, Blair!! I agree with so much of it. I was someone who didn’t always find “typical” college-age things fun…and it left me standing there thinking, “Why am I for some reason not having a blast like everyone else right now?” 🙂 It’s partly an introvert thing. I think sometimes people aren’t “allowed” to be an introvert at college. I loved college but it sure stretched me that way! I’ve never been into drinking or partying, either. Your post got me thinking about a couple different things: first, that being out of college (being in a new stage of life) has helped me to really own what I find fun. My husband and I always joke that we’re “so old,” — we find things like movie nights in, wandering historic homes, going to bed early, and discussing things we’ve learned in a book to be fun. Not all 20-somethings are like that, haha. But being out of college has helped me realize that it’s totally okay to love doing things that maybe 60-year-olds stereotypically prefer! 😉 I find cleaning and quiet music and prepping freezer meals and staying at home to be fun. (Which is why you and I should live closer, Blair! I think we’d have some pretty great coffee dates / freezer meal prep sessions!) 🙂
The second thing your post got me thinking about is how I’ve been able to change back and forth a little on what I find fun, just based on feeling more “safe” to be myself! In college – well, even more so in high school – I was learning how to come into my own and be my own confident person, but I wasn’t quite there yet. I would default to other people’s “louder” personalities. I’m so much more MYSELF now than I was then. And a lot of that has to do with finding Bjorn – “my person” – who gets me, and who allows me to feel safe. I can trust him not to tease me for being who I am. A good example of this is dancing – like a college dance or especially a wedding dance. I used to loathe them. I felt uncomfortable and watched, and like I didn’t know what I was doing. But after college, I’ve actually learned that I LOVE to dance at weddings, and dance with my husband – I just need to be in a crowd, like my in-laws, whom I know well and feel safe with. We all dance our hearts out at weddings – we’re not all super skilled, haha – but we have a blast! So it has been kind of fun to rediscover that I can like something now that I didn’t find fun before! Thanks for this post – you have great points! Here’s to learning more every day who we are, and what we personally find fun! 🙂
What a wonderful post, Blair! 🙂 This is a concept I’ve never thought much about, but reading this post has prompted me to really slow down and consider what I find fun and what I don’t.
What I Don’t: any kind of drama, speaking in front of large crowds, trying new foods, being surrounded by tons of people.
What I Do: spending one-on-one time with a friend, reading in my room, writing, taking photos, going out to eat, exploring new cities.
Thank you for doing this post! I really enjoyed reading it and then writing my own list.
What a great article! I really enjoy all your posts.
What I find fun: Spending time with the Lord in my hammock, creating, meeting new people, Capturing macro mode details of every season, hiking,being in nature, making cold brew coffee, adventures with my hubby,sharing Jesus love every day, playing guitar, snail mail, deep conversations with girlfriends, being a child at heart, building forts & tee-pee’s for romantic date nights.
What I do not find fun: Shopping, loud/busy places, going to the movies
I find this so interesting Blair! It got me thinking about how social media and trends really influence people and what they find “fun.” I have to check myself sometimes and wonder if I really find something fun because I like it or because it’s trendy right now in the media. I wonder how do I uncover this for real? Would I have tried it if it wasn’t trendy? Trendy things that come to my mind right now: gardening, chickens, moving to the country (thanks Joanna Gaines). Anyway, after reading your post, I think I’m going to really have to go back and evaluate what do I ACTUALLY enjoy and what do I just think I should enjoy. I definitely need to listen to some of Gretchen Rubin b/c her books and podcast sound wonderful!
Yes! I loved this podcast episode too! I told my husband the other day that I had a feeling we would be friends with you guys if we were to ever meet, that feeling is even more confirmed after reading both your likes and dislikes lol. My husband’s list is very similar to Riley’s with just a couple exceptions, such as improvement projects and camping.
Although I feel like I’m sometimes still figuring out what I really like to do, my list includes reading, eating and trying new restaurants, browsing vacation destinations (although going on them is obviously even more fun), and looking through interior design photos (I’ve spent more time than I probably should on Houzz.com). I’m not a fan of sports (watching or playing), hiking or camping, and for as much as I wish I enjoyed it, I really don’t enjoy cooking (although I tend to go through a baking phase in fall).
It’s always fun to hear about everyone’s different likes and dislikes. Thanks for the great post. 🙂
I’ve always wanted to be a “cultured” person, so for the longest time I would go to art museums and try to force myself to enjoy the art. Nothing against art, but it’s just not my thing. And that’s okay! So now, instead of visiting art museums on vacations because “that’s what we should do”, my husband and I look for things we *do* enjoy, like hiking and camping!
Love this blog! It really reminded me to not feel guilty when I don’t find something fun or enjoyable other people may like. Something I think we all need to be reminded of from time to time!
What I find fun: watching tv, trying new local restaurants, shopping at tj maxx, spending a quiet night at home, looking at real estate (I love browsing on realtor.com lol)
Not fun for me: exercise, crafting, loud/overwhelming parties, yard work
Thanks for the great post!!
Ah love this post so much! I can so see all of these things in you!
Fun for me: Furniture shopping, looking at model houses, wandering around Lowes, lounging on the couch, water sports, crafting and eating good food.
Not fun for me but inexplicably fun to other people: Bar/party scenes, art museums (seriously, they are pictures on walls, I do NOT get it), anything with crowds, concerts, on-the-spot sports (perfect way to phrase it) and breweries.
PS
What is an “organized event” that offends Riley?
Funny how neither of you like camping, but you love and met at (summer) camp. I’m the same way! Camping is nice but not my cup of tea. But I’d do summer camp year round if I could, haha!
Blair! You basically described me in that section about things that make me stressed i.e. concerts, baking/cooking, and watching movies (sometimes, like when I have other things I could be doing). Sitting here thinking about it, the moments where I feel the most joy are when I am making a list or reading lol I can meal prep, write itineraries for trips, or plan my days in a planner, but actually executing them brings me anxiety. Often. As always, your post was the perfect read for today! Thanks for sharing!!
“he ranted about this for five minutes” AHAHAHA Classic. Riley should add ranting to his “finds fun” list! (It’s totally on mine, too!)