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On Being a Thoughtful Wife

April 21, 2016 by Blair Lamb Filed Under: Marriage

On Being A Thoughtful Wife | Blairblogs.com

During our wedding ceremony, my husband and I washed each other’s feet as a symbol of our desire to serve one another throughout our marriage. You can click on this photo for more information about our foot-washing ceremony.

Today is part one of a two-part mini-series on being a thoughtful wife in collaboration with Hannah from Just Bee! Hannah is a lovely blogger, teacher, wife, and believer who writes from rural Minnesota. Today, both Hannah and I are sharing what being a thoughtful wife means to us; next Thursday, we’re each sharing some practical and implementable ways to love your husband and live out being a thoughtful wife.

I crave structure in life and writing, so first, let’s define thoughtful. (I know this is level 10 cliché, but stick with me!) The definition of thoughtful is three-parted: absorbed in or involving thought; showing consideration for the needs of other people; showing careful consideration or attention.

The concept of thoughtfulness, though somewhat abstract, is rather simple to grasp. Really, it’s thinking enough about something or someone so as to make wise, considerate choices for its/his benefit. In the context of this blog post, it’s thinking about your husband often and deeply, and making positive choices with your words and actions based on this thinking.

Doesn’t that last sentence look so lovely tied up in a neat little bow? If only it were so easy to live out. Being thoughtful and kind, especially when you don’t feel thoughtful and kind, can be so trying. It’s gritty. It’s tiring. It’s holy work, but it’s worth-it work. As a woman of faith, Christ is central to my marriage with Riley. It’s important to me to be a God-honoring woman first, and a kind, thoughtful, loving, forgiving wife second. (Because the former will always flow into the latter.)

Here’s what the Bible says about being a wife of noble character (excerpt from Proverbs 31):

Who can find a virtuous and capable wife?
    She is more precious than rubies.
Her husband can trust her,
    and she will greatly enrich his life.
She brings him good, not harm,
    all the days of her life. (v.10-12)

All three of these verses are so important when it comes to thinking about being a thoughtful wife. I so desire to be virtuous, capable, trustworthy, enriching, and a blessing to my husband. The last verse, “She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life,” is especially convicting. I’m meant to bring good to Riley all the days of my life. I think: how about a Monday-Wednesday-Friday schedule, and I’ll be a little less thoughtful on the other days? That would be so much more manageable. But that’s not what I’m called to; I’m called to more.

Here’s what being a thoughtful, good-bringing wife really means to me: it’s saying the kind thing (or nothing) when the harsh words are on my lips. It’s showing an interest in the things he’s interested in, even if they aren’t my cup of tea. It’s assuming the best of him and giving him grace when he fails. It’s apologizing and asking for forgiveness when I’ve hurt him. It’s empathizing with his stresses and anxieties and being gentle in those places instead of judgmental or cruel. It’s choosing words and timing wisely when conflict arises. It’s thinking about his heart and mind and caring for them as only a wife can.

On Being A Thoughtful Wife | Blairblogs.com

Don’t think for a second that I’m sitting around shining my halo. I know in my heart what it means to be a thoughtful wife, but my words and actions often fall short. This marriage work is so challenging. It’ll knock the wind out of your lungs. Two becoming one doesn’t come without a cost–we have both made major sacrifices for the benefit of our marriage. Anyone who says marriage is easy is delusional. It’s so beautiful, and so worth it, but it’s not easy. Co-existing or living under the same roof isn’t the same as cultivating a transparent, open, vulnerable, intimate marriage. Marriage is hard and holy. It’s refining and glorious.

Being a thoughtful wife, at the end of it all, is about thinking about Riley before I think about myself. Like I learned at summer camp–“God first, others second, I’m third!” (Again–way easier said than done.) Through the challenges of marriage and seasons of life, I pray that I would fix my eyes on the beauty of Christ and His perfect love, which will enable me to pour out that love on my husband and others. Here’s to being a genuinely thoughtful wife.

// How has being a thoughtful wife benefited your marriage? What’s most challenging to you about being a thoughtful wife? If you’re not yet married, how do you practice thoughtfulness in your relationships?

Head over and read Hannah’s post on being a thoughtful wife here! You can also follow her on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. You will love her refreshing, soul-soothing, life-giving way of writing. Enjoy!

Comments

  1. Rachel says

    April 21, 2016 at 8:26 am

    Beautifully written, as always!

    • Blair Lamb says

      April 21, 2016 at 4:07 pm

      Thank you, Rachel! Hugs!

      xo,
      b

  2. Alley Peplinski says

    April 21, 2016 at 1:21 pm

    To be honest, I came into this post a bit… cynical or at least thinking that there wouldn’t be anything for me. Mostly because I am not married, engaged, or dating at the moment. But the thing that struck me hardest was your words on “all the days of her life” and I was reminded that that includes the days before she has met him (in other words, where I am now.) And that this season of singleness should be used to prepare my heart and habits for my spouse if I am called to marriage and even more so if I am called to be a sister/nun.

    • Blair Lamb says

      April 21, 2016 at 4:10 pm

      Hey Alley! Thanks for reading! I appreciate your honesty, and I love how your heart softened as you read scripture. Your perspective is beautiful.

      xo,
      b

  3. Elena Wiggins says

    April 22, 2016 at 9:44 pm

    Beautiful post about such an important topic in marriage! I think you explained thoughtfulness very well! For me, being thoughtful also means thinking about how my husband best receives love, because it is vastly different than I receive love — and then choosing to love him in those ways even if they do not come naturally. This means decreasing my multi-tasking and productivity when he is home and instead, being intentional about making room for quality time with him (which speaks volumes to him). It also means trying to anticipate his needs, clarifying rather than assuming, and listening actively rather than trying to blurt out my opinions. I am definitely not shining my halo over here either. I am a work in progress and still learning what this looks like.

    • Blair Lamb says

      April 22, 2016 at 9:46 pm

      I love your thoughts so much, Elena. Love languages are so important! I’ll have to include that in next week’s “practical thoughtfulness” post, because learning each other’s love languages has been a challenging but necessary piece of our relationship.

      Thank you for reading and sharing. I love your comment. Hugs!

      xo,
      b

  4. AlisonSohigian says

    April 24, 2016 at 6:23 pm

    Hello Blair!
    I’m new to your blog but absolutely love it just from briefly browsing 🙂 I first discovered you when I was looking for a good explanation on a foot washing ceremony. This post is full of powerful little nuggets. Thank you for taking the time each day to let the Lord speak through you and to spread the word about a God-centered life/marriage.
    Blessings,
    Alison

  5. erin reese (@erinryanreese) says

    April 28, 2016 at 5:38 pm

    Blair, you hit the nail right on the head, as always. I really take all of this to heard and will work on bringing my hubby joy EVERYDAY of his life. xoxo

    • Blair Lamb says

      April 28, 2016 at 6:01 pm

      I love it. Thanks for reading!

Hey, I’m Blair!

Blair Lamb | BlairBlogs.com

Thanks for stopping by!
I'm a small town Texas transplant, wife, and mom to two. I believe in intentional living in lieu of the world's breakneck pace and write honestly with the hope of encouraging other women. Grab a cup of warm and enjoy!
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