I know I haven’t posted in a while.
I’ve been writing since I was a little girl. I have old journals filled with scribbled thoughts, dozens of files stored on floppy disks with short stories, poems, and made up writing worksheets that will never be read again, letters I’ll never send, the beginning chapters of books I’ll never finish, unpublished blog posts, and swirling words in my head each day that I ache to put on paper.
But for the past month, the part of my brain that fills my soul with words–that part, it’s been quiet. Nearly silent. And when there is nothing to write, I don’t. I made the choice a long time ago to respect my creativity by giving it a break when it craved one.
Two days ago the all-too familiar itch came back to write. So here I am, a few minutes into a blog post that feels a little awkward since it’s been so long. I guess I don’t know exactly where to start, there’s so much that’s happened in a month.
So I guess I’ll start with this: I decided not to make any New Year’s resolutions this year. Instead, I prayed for a theme to the year–a thread of sorts to weave through each day of 2014. And I was met with this:
Blair, this year I need you to walk on the water.
No joke. I heard it loud and clear. God wants me to walk on the water. If you don’t know, this refers to a story in the Bible:
Jesus Walks on Water (Matthew 14:22-33)
Immediately after this, Jesus insisted that his disciples get back into the boat and cross to the other side of the lake, while he sent the people home. After sending them home, he went up into the hills by himself to pray. Night fell while he was there alone.
Meanwhile, the disciples were in trouble far away from land, for a strong wind had risen, and they were fighting heavy waves. About three o’clock in the morning Jesus came toward them, walking on the water. When the disciples saw him walking on the water, they were terrified. In their fear, they cried out, “It’s a ghost!”
But Jesus spoke to them at once. “Don’t be afraid,” he said. “Take courage. I am here!”
Then Peter called to him, “Lord, if it’s really you, tell me to come to you, walking on the water.”
“Yes, come,” Jesus said.
So Peter went over the side of the boat and walked on the water toward Jesus. But when he saw the strong wind and the waves, he was terrified and began to sink. “Save me, Lord!” he shouted.
Jesus immediately reached out and grabbed him. “You have so little faith,” Jesus said.“Why did you doubt me?”
When they climbed back into the boat, the wind stopped. Then the disciples worshiped him. “You really are the Son of God!” they exclaimed.
I just keep feeling this same pull: “Follow me, Blair. Trust Me, Blair. Abandon your plans, Blair. Walk on the water with me, Blair.” Day in and day out, it’s the same voice over and over. “Yes, come. Come with Me.” Guess what? It’s scary. Really scary. It’s hard to look at the life I know (and love) and walk away from parts of it with only hope and faith to replace a well-crafted plan.
But the good news is this: that hope and faith are everything. And I can’t be a true Christ follower with one foot out the door. It’s gotta be all or nothing (Revelation 3:16). So, nervously, reluctantly, but peacefully, I’m walking forward and following Jesus.
This is my year to walk on the water. Luckily, I have this song to listen to on repeat.
Photo by: Murilo
Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders,
let me walk upon the waters,
wherever You would call me.
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander,
and my faith will be made stronger,
in the presence of my Savior.